tired tired tired. in a good mood.. but tired... I wonder how long this is going to last... probably tonight.. maybe until I go to sleep but chances are the good won't last so long. Jesse imed me... well, I imed him rather and said "feel better" seeing how he isn't feeling so good lately ... but we're going out to dinner and a movie friday night which = :). I miss him. we had so much fun ahhhhh and I feel bad that he is so upset but oh well.. I'm just happy.. I havent hung out with him in ages... I don't know what I'm getting at.. and I don't know why this is making me so happy.. but ahhhh it is.. and I am in a good mood and that is so rare. It's just like... the other day when he first told me they broke up he was like " I miss you we need to hang out! and we can spoon in my bed and watch the jacket!" I was like ahhhh god I miss you. and a part of me is like rebound... hmmm that's nice.. but then again it's like.. there was something kind of there before.. so it's no different now.. argh. i don't expect anything... but it might be good. keep my mind of the ridiculousness of ben. I texted him and asked him if he wanted cookies tomorrow.. and he said what kind.. I was like hmmm chocolate chip?.. and he's like "I have tomorrow off too!" I was just like hmm well okay that's nice.. so maybe I will stay for a little while.. maybe.. I don't know.. we'll see. I like him a lot.. and I am hgely against love and the use of the word and how it's lame and blah blah blah. but I have huge feelings for him.. maybe love.. I love him.. I don't know how IN love with him I am but I love him.. and it's taken me dayss.. maybe even a couple weeks to really contemplate it and realize it and blah blah blah. jesse....benn... do me.. fuck I am supposed to hang out with steph and molly this weekend... like seperately. and I want to.. it makes me happy that they were like I miss you let's hang out.. but I have to work 3 to 630 on friday, then I am going out with jesse.. then saturday I am working like 3 to 8 which is crap.. so yeah.. I dont know what I'll be doing.. maybe I will go out with steph and we'll figure something outtt. blahh. I need ben. I love that I have to thing that he's behind me in order to sleep. and sunday night was so just ahh we were both so exhausted and I pplanned on going home at like 9 but of course that didn't happen because we were sleeping and blah blah blah and ahh. I was telling him about the youtube thing with the grapes and the lady falling off the platform and making ridiculous noises... and I couldn't stop laughing and ahhh. I was like why am I laughing so hard and he's like because you're exhausted. He remembered that I laugh when I am exhausted. ahh! and I was sitting on his stomach and he was holding my hands and we were being ridiculous and talking and ahh it was good. I love me when I am with him. I love being with him. ahh. fucking do me. blahhhhhh fuck me. ergh.