Bush blasting from my ipod the louder the better so loud I can't think thats what I need & I over think I hide my insecurities if I could feel my fingers, this would be easier. I need someone to care about ... thats why I've attached myself to WW. ha just thinking about it makes me smile a bit I'm too much I come off as too much & the stress kills me I aspire to do so well and I do, but sometimes I don't care sometimes I just say fuck it & it's so unacceptable the goals need to be met and I'm not trying hard enough I don't know what I'm doing I don't know why I'm not happy & and I don't know why I am so dependant I don't know why I want what other people have I just want someone there. someone to hold my hand.. and surprise me.. someone who cares. I'm not looking for love. Pain isn't necessary. If I see ben tonight.. we'll talk. we'll talk until all I have to say is said. no matter how horrible it can... and will make me feel.. It has to be said.. because the truth is better than not knowing. he needs to know. &&its so wierd because I get so annoyed with him when I'm there. he acts like he's 12. ahhh fuck and thats exactly what I don't need. ergh.