I was downstairs on the computer last night when I just started shaking (second night in a row) and I couldn't stop. I took some tylenol and went upstairs and got a blanket. somehow I ended up writing on my wall.. drawing... writing... things that I miss... Things that once meant something to me.. things that still do. Dates. Events. Numbers... anything.. I felt like I was going nuts. ahhhh I have issues. I can feel it. I am making myself sick again.. last year all over again.. the migraines are coming back. they hurt so bad. I've been sneezing all day. I can't stop. I took 3 benadryl.. because I am immune to 2 and I slept for 3 hours. I hung out with johnny and jess on friday, then made johnny watch Party Monster on saturday. I love that kid. sooo much. Jess too. she's amazing. I was supposed to go to kiera's saturday but I felt like I was imposing and what have you.. I didn't want to just show up or anything. soo I didn't. Brody and I were supposed to do our project yesterday.. film the cooking and crap but we didn't because he didn't have his binder or his camera or anything.. ahh. then my mom came. thank god. He just kind of climbed on top of me. ahhh no. the kid is really cool, he really is.. but no. and he sucks at kissing. beyond anyone's understanding. and it was gross. Allyssa likes him but she knows he likes me. HA so sucks to be her?... I almost feel like I did it again... like once I knew that I could get him if I wanted.. I don't want him anymore.. I know it is much deeper than that, but that's how it seems. I've always secretly crushed on him... since sixth grade.. and we've always been close but no. not again. He was with allyssa last night and she called me to tell me that. Just called and said she was with him.. as if that would make me jealous?.. hmm nope. she can have him. hes too ahh for me.. I don't know. bleh. Allyssa is being a dumb whore like she usually is.. she is just so stupid.. ahh I want to stab her. I want to be happy. mom is moving.. hopefully.. maybe... to uhh raymond.. or there abouts. They want a house on the lake.. so Addie is going to move up there with her. God knows why.. I guess its because she gets spoiled when its just her and the little man. And I guess she isn't happy here, she doesn't have many friends etc. Dad is kind of bummed at that.. oh well. I'm fine if that means mom is going far far away. She wants me to come with, but I'll pass. I want to graduate from SPHS. I miss kiera.. and hanging out with her. I couldn't care less about Nick and Mercy. Nick is an asshole. I can't stand him. Mercy needs complete control over him. and she has it.. that's what she feeds on.. control. I am so tired. all I want to do is sleep. Sleep and eat. I'm gaining weight. I eat so much. my weight fluxuates 8 pounds a day. I need to start working out. running. I am running the Beach to Beacon this year. 6.2 miles... not bad.. I am going to train.. I am going to make a goal.. and train. Have my mp3 and just run like crazy.. what a stress reliever. I need to run. I might run tonight. I don't feel good. There's too much stress. I have work to do, homework. And I need to call strive.. start volunteering again. and get a job. so much to do. I want summer. I need summer. nothing but coffee and the beach... everyday... the oldport and higgins... that will be my life. I want it so bad. I'm nuts. All my marbles have been lost or stolen. hasta.