i just layed on my bed in the dark and cried. i wasn't so sure why i was depressed before, but i think now i know. i feel lonlier now than i ever have before. i feel like i could move far far away and it would take months for anyone to notice. 2 of my good friends moved out and never gave me their new numbers and have slowly stopped calling. another friend is going off to college. i have ruined a potential good relationship. i see potential in things when theres really nothing there. i was happy when i hooked up with that sweet guy a couple weeks ago...that sweet guy that got my number after we did it and never bothered to call. i feel so empty, all i have left are tears. lately i have been replacing friends with alcohol. sitting alone and drinking like an alcoholic. when i am with my friends they seem to take and never give. theres nothing alcoholic to drink in the house and i was going crazy. but not because i don't have alcohol, because it was my last resort to not feel so alone. i can be around everyone i know at once and still feel like i'm alone. maybe this is just a modd swing. but i think its the way it is. i drink because theres noone here with me. i have so many friends, yet i have no one. i'm not suicidal in any way...i'm just not that selfish. i luv everyone, i just don't feel like i'm getting any of that love back. it's so mentally draining being alone night after night. i hate this it sux.