i drank a lot tuesday night and once again did something i regret. i seem to always think i'm capable of driving when i'm so obviously not. i have good friends that tell me not to drive and try and make me stay at their place, but i'm a crazy and sneaky drunk. i waited til my friend went to the bathroom to grab all my shit and leave. the only part of the drive home that i remember is when i realized i was going too fast and slammed on the breaks and my car spun out of control (it had rained that day so the streets were wet). it was about 2am and no one else was on the road and after that i just continued to drive home ( i was down the street from my apartment at that point). i'm retarded and never seem to learn my lesson...i mean i drove my car into a mexican restaurant when i was 17 and yet i still continue to drink and drive. i thought i took control of the drinking but i dunno anymore. for the most part i'm not a bad drunk like i used to be...my problem is thinking that i can drive. so once again i've given up drinking. it's been 3 days so far. i don't know how long i want this to last, and i dont feel like setting any type of goal (or lying to myself and saying this is forever). blah. in other news, i met a boy. and he's not a white trash riversidian! but he's super nice and seems to like me a lot which makes him unattractive ha ha. i swear i only like boys when they make me feel shitty. lame. ooh and he reads! i've always wanted a boy who reads AND drinks. like he's smart but knows how to have fun. how great is that. i've come to the conclusion that i'm just afraid of relationships. a commitment phobe. i get uncomfortable with the idea of getting close to anyone...like in an emotional way, not physical. i have issues. but don't we all? blah.