i don't care about much anymore. i believe that things exist (like love, marriage, etc.), i just don't think any of it's for me. or that it will happen to me. went to the strip club tonight. danced with some sweaty hot men. just wasn't feeling it. not tonight. going to get my hair done tomorrow...all for what? i have no one to impress. it's all for me. might as well do what i want to do and make myself happy since no one else will. no guy has genuinely cared about me since i was about 12 years old. ever since then it has been about sex. i just realized that tonight. who would stick around otherwise? and this isn't about HIM. he's part of it of course...but they all are. human beings are horrible things.