ok so last night K6 mentioned that he's now slept with 18 people! i was #15 for him which means he's had sex with 3 people since we hooked up a couple months ago. i've also hooked up with 3 people since then but still! he's been with double the amount of people that i have. what a whore, lol. good thing i'm now abstaining. he only had sex with 2 people during his highschool years, then bam! he became quite slutty after highschool. i don't want to get attached to him again. i had a crush on him my senior year and that didn't amount to anything. that last poem i posted is in part about him. it starts off talking about him, then about K7 (because he seems to be the one i really want), and ends talking about me and how i try so hard to not get attached and how hard it is. he knows that i liked him in highschool but didn't realize that years ago some of the poems i posted on my aol homepage were about him. he figured that out last night. good thing we were drunk or i might have been slightly embarrassed. thank you MD 20/20. the one thing that kinda bothered me last night was that G5 called him and he said he was sleeping. i'd really like it if he could have just said he was hanging out with me. i don't like being his little secret. makes me feel like crap. but anyways, yeah. i don't want to get attached to him because this is so obviously casual for him. we're friends with benefits, and nothing more. if he were to stop giving me attention all the sudden i'd be quite depressed. so i guess for the time being i'll be happy with our current friends with benefits status. it can't hurt can it? i mean its not like i'm having sex with him. innocent kissing. we were talking about people that we have hooked up with before and TR came up (my first love and the guy i lost my virginity to when i was 16). and for the first time i didn't get sad while talking about him. it made me feel awesome to not feel hurt at the mention of his name for once. hooray for that! i talked to nice guy (C9) online today. he said he misses me and that we need to hang out soon. i'm still not going to though. i can't possibly have any sort of relationship with him that doesn't include sex. i don't know him well enough for there to be more to it than just sex. so i'll be avoiding hanging out with him unless there are other people present. well this entry turned out a bit longer than i anticipated so i'll just end it right now. have a swell night everyone.