i was in a good mood and looking forward to hanging out with a friend that moved away. he's coming back to visit friends and we were supposed to hang out a bit while he's down. we've been talking (long distance) for over a year. i was reading his online journal today. he talks a lot oabout christians. he stated that he doesn't think he's better than anyone other than christians. i'm christian so to me its like he thinks he's better than me. not to be conceited but he would be lucky to have me, but he screws himself when he says judgmental things that frustrate me. we disagree on too many things. i think i'm just going to tell him not to come visit me when he comes down. maybe i'm using this as an easy out. i mean i consider myself to be a gorgeous person, where as he's just average looking. i hope i'm not subconsciencely being shallow. i truly think hi views on my religion is what makes me not want to have him in my life. i can see myself wanting to be with him in a serious relationship...then i'm reminded that he refuses to get married in a church, that he doesn't believe in god, etc. i may not be the most perfect christian (i drink, have sex, etc.) but atleast i don't judge people. i feel like i meet boys that are either too good or not good enough. where's the perfect guy? i believe love isn't something u can find, it's something that finds you. there's no fate, there's god. or something like that. on another note, i don't think i want to hook up with my friends ex boyfriend anymore. he calls me when he's drunk and leaves drunken voice messages on my phone. they're very amusing. i think all we have in common is our love for drunken fun. i dunno. whatev. just don't wanna hook up with him anymore for one reason or another. maybe i just don't want casual sex anymore? not sure. but a relationship? not sure about that either. just want to hang out with friends, do school stuff, get a job, etc. am i tired of being that fun drunk girl i'm so used to being? nah. anyways, yeah.