so far so good. k7 hasn't texted me since thursday night/friday morning. i'm sure it will be easy to abstain from him so long as he doesn't try and contact me. the hard part will be when he texts me asking if i want to chill. the hard part to that is responding with a no. or explaining that i'm now abstaining from casual sex. i'm not sure if its the casual sex that i'm abstaining from or if its just him. it has to be him. i don't want to get attached to someone that i don't believe has any feelings for me. thanks to everyone that encouraged me to stick in there. i've been keeping busy with the gym. since we last hooked up i went and got my gym membership back (so expensive!) and have gone everyday since. so between that and work i should be too tired at night to go hook up with him. honestly i think he's a great guy...but a typical one at the same time (no offense to any guys out there). he's funny and a lot of fun to kick it with...but he talks shit from time to time, gets into fights, and does stupid shit like that. i don't always trust him or believe the things he says to me. and you need trust, right? here i am trying to convince myself he's no good for me...which i thought i have already done. the problem with needing trust in a relationship is that i trust no one. everybody lies no matter what they say. maybe it's not always intentional, but it happens. everybody lies, but its the ones that lie more than others (or on purpose) that you should watch out for. i don't lie on purpose. i try to be as honest as i can be...yet i'm not always even honest with myself. i get all this advice filled with words that i already knew but did not want to admit. like i know that i should keep myself busy, that i deserve better, that i shouldn't be hooking up with someone i'm not with, etc. but it helps to hear these things from other people to realize that i'm not crazy. i do deserve a guy that wants me for more than my sex. a guy that will call me for more than some ass. a guy that wants me to hang out with him even when he knows i don't feel like hooking up. a guy that wants me for me. the weird thing about this entry is that i'm not sad or depressed as i write all of this. i'm just thinking and realizing things. things i should already know, and probably did. i'm just used to pushing those thoughts aside. i'm the type of girl that needs attention and affection from boys. that may sound like code words for slutty, but it's not. i don't need sex, i need a hug. i need a kiss. i need people to care. dang i'm needy, lol. well i'm off to go try and talk my dad into washing my car. how is it that i spend hours at the gym everyday yet i'm too lazy to do things like wash my car and clean my room? heh, have a swell day everyone, and thanks for your comments.