i just sent G22 a myspace message because i feel like it's not fair of him to be ignoring me and not giving me the chance to defend myself. so here's the explanation i gave him. everything i wrote him was extremely honest and i'll be crushed if he still won't talk to me after reading such personal words. letter to G22: "you're not the first guy to stop talking to me because of my drinking. you'd think that would be a sign and i'd quit yet i haven't. the way i see it is if people really cared they would ask me to stop or show concern in other ways than just riding me off like you have. i can't stand being put on the silent treatment and i know you won't talk to me so i'm writing to explain why i am the way i am with you (and people in general). the first time we hung out i had to drink before i went to meet you because i'm really shy and was nervous, and obviously overdid it. i freaked out that night because when i sobered up and realized i was in bed with someone it was like a flash back of something that happened to me a few months ago. don't get me wrong i wanted to get with you and am in no way insinuating that i did anything i didn't want to do. but i've been abstaining because i have issues with guys because i was raped a few months back. i never told anyone but i feel like i need to explain myself to you so you don't have this image of me forever being this crazy alcoholic girl with intimacy issues. that's not who i am. and as for the drinking...i drink because of how shy i am. i really was trying to cut back like i told you, but that night i sent u all those messages my friend wanted to take me out drinking because she flaked on me on my birthday. so she bought me drinks and i once again over did it. i still don't understand why you got so mad seeing as i was texting you and not some other guy. when i'm drunk i'm more comfortable around people and that's pretty much the reason i do it. i don't expect you to start talking to me again, i just wanted to get all of this out. oh and about my cd, i really do want it back. i'm quite fond of all of my charles manson stuff and i'd hate to have to find another one to buy. i'm sure you can think of a way to get it to me without actually having to see me. i guess that's all i really had to say. you don't have to respond or anything, i just don't want you to hate me. i've been through a lot lately and feel like i've been letting everyone down. it would be nice to have one less person hate me right now."