so i had a really emotional day...and for no reason. i just started to feel awful about myself. and i realized how much more depressed i've been over the last couple of years. ever since i started hooking up with k7 my self confidence has slowly gone down. and even though i haven't hooked up with him in over 6 months i still feel worthless. blah blah blah. so i was sad and way overly emotional and cried non stop for like 45 minutes...all while running on the treadmill too. but after about 45 minutes i suddenly felt better and kept running. so i've been really depressed lately, and then i find out that my mom has a lump on her breast and might have cancer (but wont know til like the 18th or something like that). so i've been extra crazy and overly emotional lately. there have been so many times in life where i wanted to kill myself but didn't because i love my mom too much and wouldn't want to do that to her. so i'm thinking what if she does have cancer. bad things aren't supposed to happen to that woman, she's my reason for living. she is seriously the nicest most generous person i have ever met. it would just kill me if she does have cancer. but my best friend is flying in from college on thursday and when i'm with her everything is better. she doesn't know about my mom because i have trouble sharing things with people. i'm the type of person that keeps everything personal like that in. and it sucks cuz i know if i did talk to someone about my problems i'd feel so much better...but i can't. so i'm writing them hoping it has the same effect. i just smoked a bowl to make myself feel better so i hope this all made sense. fuck it i'm going to bed.