a lot has happened and i don't feel like writing it all so once again u get the quick version. K7 pretty much sucked me back into his world by telling me all his problems and making me feel sorry for him. i know i'm obsessed with that boy and just wish i could change/fix him. i decided to let him crash here a couple of weeks ago because we had been driving around and he didn't want to go home because he said his mom hates him so i told him he could sleep on my couch. we watched t.v. and talked. some girl called and he was like 'here answer my phone i don't want to talk to her.' so i answered it and this poor hysterical girl who's obsessed with him wanted to deperately talk to him. it was like 3am so she was probably drunk trying to get some ass like i used to be. i was like hun why do u like him? he's an alcoholic who doesn't care about anyone or anything and he's just going to break your heart like he did mine. she kept calling so i finally let her talk to him. he also had text messages from girls that would say things like "i love you and u can't do anything about it" and "i don't know why u hate me, all i did was love you." it was sickening. i was like why do u lead these girls on like this dude, u did the same thing to me. and he said "i'm out of touch with reality. i'm an alcoholic." most honest thing i have ever heard coming out of that boys mouth. he said that he's pretty much been drunk non-stop since highschool (like over 3 years) because he blew his scholorship and now hates his life. i got really sad at some point because i realized that i can't fix him and he's never going to treat me the way i want to be treated. i got all quiet and he knew something was up and kept asking me what was wrong. i kept saying "nothing." he got up from the couch he was on and made me stand up and was like "i can fix this." and i was like "don't u dare kiss me, please just don't kiss me." cuz i know if he were to have kissed me i would have given in again. before this had happened he tripped me outside on the lawn and wrestled with me, it was cute and i wish we had more moments like that. hanging out was fun in a way that the usual booty calls just aren't. then inside he got up off the couch and ran to my room and was like i'm sleeping on ur bed. i stayed and watched t.v. and went through his cell phone ha ha. i wanted to see what he had saved my number as but couldn't find it in his call list. so i called his phone and up pops "fuck." he saved me as "fuck." that can be taken 2 ways, and either one isn't flattering. he could be like "aw fuck trisha's calling" or it could be saved as "fuck" because we were fuck-buddies. either way i was insulted...drunk and insulted. i took the battery out of his phone so it wouldn't ring and hid it in my drawer cuz i felt i should keep it. so i go yell at him and he doesn't wake up cuz he's a heavy sleeper...and that's the point where i decided to burn him with my cigarette. right in the back. he screamed and woke up, we yelled and i made him leave. on the way out he pissed in a trash can in the kitchen. he called the next day at to ask if i had his cell phone. i said i did but that i wasn't home. i did this for a couple days so that he'd go crazy with no phone. til finally i called him and said that i was home and he could pick it up if he wanted. he knocked, i was stoned, gave him his phone then said "sorry i burned you" and he said "don't worry about it." it was all very casual. wow that quick version wasn't very quick. like a week later i was drunk and called and texted him the night after my birthday while drunk at some bars. i was still drunk at 8am the next day when i woke up and i texted him saying "all i wanted was to fuck u. u had to ruin everything didn't u." and then he called back an hour later at 9am while at work ha ha. i told him i was drunk and to call me when he got off work. he didn't call me til 10pm and i was sober at that point and didn't want to hang out with him. i drunkenly texted and called him the night before last but he didn't answer. then the other day i had some sort of mental breakdown in my car on my way home from being sent home early from work. i hadn't slept in 2 days and everything just started to get to me. i was thinking about how i was taken advantage of at that kickback a few months back, how i wish i could fix k7, how i'm always feeling so sad and alone lately, and how i just found out that my brother and his wife are getting a divorce. i didn't really believe in marriage to begin with but now i really don't. so yeah i left work early and came home and got some much needed sleep, and called out today for 'personal reasons.' but yeah i have to go blow dry my hair before it gets frizzy and gross.