i'm suddenly rather emotional. K8 may have had his reasons for deleting his number from my cell phone, but that is just not cool with me. you don't have sex with someone a couple times then do that to them. he was the one calling me every day, not the other way around. if he starts talking shit i'll be furious. he was such a cool guy to kick it with, i hate that it ended that way. and K7, i liked him to for a second there but things got akward like usual. and now i have C9, but he's just a nice guy. and what if even the nice guy is just using me to get some. my cousins 20 and just got engaged. at the rate i'm going i'll die alone with 20 cats. i'm just having one of those days i guess. i keep thinking about my first love too, and that makes me sad. sad sad sad. i hate this feelinhg. i hate that people pretend to care, why can't everyone just be honest. horribly and brutally honest even. just tell the truth. that will never happen though. nice guy's in a band. most guys in bands get lots of chicks...what if he's just another whore putting up a front. i am so tired of heartache and dissapointments of that nature. i can't take much more. i didn't call C9 today like he had asked me to. i know i said i was going to give this guy a chance and let him in for once, but i'm finding it hard to do that. i'm tempted to push him away just to save my feelings. it will have to end down the road anyways right? i'm being emotional and will probably feel different in a day or two. lame.