bleh. it doesnt matter as much as i wish-ed it to matter. and i get hyped far too quickly lately and thats just fine. im out of pride. ive run out of shame. and thats it. grrrr. i just dont know. maybe ignoring he was there wasnt exactly the best move. but. oh well. im too shy sometimes and not shy enough other times. i dont know. it doesnt even matter because in the long run i dont even know any of these people. not really. i dont know. im an emotional rollercoaster. up and down and up and twist and down again. we/ll see how it all goes tomorrow. but. im kinda tired of tomorrows. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i want what i want right now when i want it. not later when i/ll have no use for it. oh well. i/ll call my sponsor later. and go to another meeting later. and so on and so forth until all of this bullshit actually begins to change me. excuse my neurotic tendencies. i/m only halfinsane i promise. distracted liability. and pathetic unstability. collecting sky high. and how bad i wish i was.