and now all i do is search for some thing i am in no rush to find.

i have no direction. i have no goal. i still have absolutely no fucking real ambition.

i spent 3 days messing up.

i wasted 3000 that i could've done some thing with. invested into some thing with.

go back to school. or buy a car. or do some thing worthwhile and all i did was nickle and dime it to death because i still even after being sober this long am fucked up.

and now i'm searching for just any job. a job and then what?

this is beginning to feel a bit mundane actually.

i will keep my head up though because i will no longer be locked into that bullshit of regret and guilt.

freedom is attainable it is just rather difficult to seek out truly.

i just need to want it.

i just want it to need it.

i want it and just need it.

i want some THING.

big.

bigger then me.

but i have become so damned lazy.

search me and find my heart pure.

give me a reason.