in the end we/re all destined for one thing or another. one way or another. one horrible fate or another. and. today i got lectured about my performance as a human being. as a cashier. for being a few 5 hours late the other day. and. i couldnt get angry or dispute the entire situation. because. i planned it that way. i decided to be 5 hours late when i decided to get drunk knowing i had work. and. i am sorry. but. pretending and believing are one in the same for me. we went for coffee tonight. he asked. not me. i didnt plan on it. and. its good again. i have an affection for certain connections. certain people who come to you and leave a mark of some sort. and. i will miss him when hes gone. but. not in that weird way. that unusual way. but. in a friendly way. im getting casual again. cool and calm and careless. because. im better this way. im better relaxed and not caring. if i care too much i screw up. constantly. i worry myself into failure. its never permanent. nothing settles. and. its better that way. unsettled. restless. beating rage. pulsating sorrow. breathing is a well under rated activity. when it comes down to it. breathing is all we have. all we can ever have. all we own. not much else can compare. i/ll be fine all in due time.