well. ive taken to drinking before and at work all over again. sure the guilt is there. the paranoia of getting caught. so i guess ill stop. honestly. these jobs dont drive me to care enough. but. i cant afford to get dismissed so soon. rent does need to fucking get paid i guess. i dont like stressing about those jobs. or caring about what happens. but. i know i cant keep getting wasted while on the clock. its only a matter of time before i do get trapped. so no more. i guess. no more fun. no more numbing the lameness of my entire life. bleh. bleh. bleh. completely tired. of this. stuff. and this life. lameness.