getting by. by. getting high. in and out. goes the smoke. into the brain. and around the cells. suffocating all the badness. all the fucking sadness. suffocating my mind. i guess i must quit. the hit. that love. of mine. that addiction. that cures my afflictions for a bit. that sweet. bitter. hit. quitters never win. winners never quit. i am stuck now. between this. and nothingness. and numbness. and please leave me alone. thank you. i'm tired of it all. thank you. and now i can't even remember her. smell. thank you. for hurting me so deep. deeper then i ever needed. to hate myself. for cutting open my heart. and spilling it on the floor. thank you. thank you some more. for bringing on such a loneliness. that i weep at night. and stay awake. for sleep hides from me now. because of the endless dreams. and feelings. and thank you. for hurting me so very badly. for torturing me with the one. thing. i ever loved. and being alone. has never been so alone. and so empty. as now. and thank you. of course. for burying my soul. underneath all this pain. that i cannot wake each day. without one thought. of her. weighing down so heavy. thank you. for killing me. i am a mess. and a mess. and i don't wake up until noon. or later. and i don't do much. except sit and think. and type. and nothing else. i am a mess. and i cannot rescue myself. from falling. because. i am sick of holding on. i am sick of being okay. and alright. and fine. and good. and everything else. underneath this beating sun. day in and day out. being me. this thing. this unhappy thing. i am just sick. of it all. for now. until i get a clear mind. and soul. and find it all again. my way again. somewhere better then here. where i am now. my way.