Last night I slept. tossing and turning. Images jumping in and out of my saddened mind. I remeber it was all blurry and cloudy. Different things happening at different times. My mind locked in a maze of events only I can decipher. I remember a dog or two. black. large. I remember talking to Wen and Dani about getting high. about scoring. An old man knocked on the door. dressed in white. with a cane and a hate. He came in. settled down. showed us his collection. Gave us an offer. Feeling panic I hid a 20 dollar bill inside of this sparkling little Buddha. Silver and sparkles. my buddha. An old lady offered the old man a 10. I tried to give him a card. he would not accept my Ace of Spades. I felt worried. frustrated. "Are you a Buddhist?" he asked. I did not have an answer. i clutched my little statue and said nothing in return. He tossed me a bag. filled with herbs and such. The scene changes and I am walking across a middy field. It's dark outside. empty. There are shadows of other people moving about. I see him, Patrick. walking towards me. I feel flustered and nervous. He says things I cannot hear. although i try. I walk away from him. and back to him. "I liked you too much, I'm sorry." This is what I tell him. He shakes his head looking down. "Do you remember what I said before?" He asks. No, I don't. I say nothing. Suddenly it's bright outside and there's a huge crowd of people around. He points off into the distance. "There's my girlfriend, I have to go." He turns and walks away. And that was my dream for the night. odd. I think I've found my answer though. It's up to me now. to move on. let it all go. I don't understand the sketchy details. I don't think I'll bother much to try. My head's confused today. cloudy skies. I don't think I'll wait anymore. or wish. I wonder. Today I will dedicate my time to cleaning my room. Straightening out my life. getting it in some sort of order. A type of order at all. SEB and I haven't spoken much. this is my fault i'm sure. Dani is fine. Wen is out ruining her life some more. I am here. Confused. Alone. And fine. "Until the end, there is Me." DFN.