these days feel different lately. they feel heavy. heavy with a side of burden. the air feels a bit heavier in all the wrong places. i have a feeling of some.thing approaching. and. i have seen the signs. and. i have decided to take it easy. to focus a bit more. to relax only so much as i should. im not worried about losing my job. not as worried as i should be. because. i keep having to remember that this isnt a permanent thing. this las vegas living is only for right now. the people i meet are only for right now. the things i do are only for the moment. the job. the house. the rent. the all of it. is unsettled. i imagine life back home to be worse without me there. for some people anyway. for danielle. for lisa. the only friends i guess i have there. around 4 or 5 if i count and find one more. its all of my own doing though. it always is. but. what can i do. either they forgive and love. or they hate and leave. i cant control all of it. and. the parts i can control i fuck up. so it all spins on. there is no point in worry. there is no point in regret. my heart is weighed down enough. already. ------------ i have a few things to take care of. and. take care of them i will. and. i need to relax a bit more. and. i need to breathe in some control. selfreliance. selfrestraint. selfprotection. selfpreservation. selfsurvival.