except that the loneliness in my heart. is so very lonely. and. it isnt a matter of missing people or not having more people or any of the people. its. just. there. ticking. away. everyday. and i do try to pretend that im not down. but. its just so hard. and there are a million reasons why my heart feels so broke. but. its all really a joke. i guess. i feel unloved. i feel unloved in that way you only can when there isnt someone somewhere worrying about you. shes gone now. and. i know i need to deal with it. and i do want too. but. its just so hard when my mind just takes over. and my sorry heart just takes in right along side. and it feels so endless. and i do hate sadness i always have. because. its a useless emotion. but. i am consumed by this beast of sorrow. this monster of being alone. this creature of longing for things i dont even know how to describe. and all i am is rambling. useless. repetitive. rambling. i dont know how to explain. explain. why i feel so insane. why i feel such a lonely pain. you belong to someone else. and. i belong to absolutely no one. and. it does eat away slowly at me. nagging deep inside. like nails across a chalk board. and. i just cant bring anything closer. i just feel so. so. so. so. so. hollow.