she's fine. getting better. so it seems. her brain isn't aching much anymore. the little demon who caused her so much pain has been properly eliminated. now they want money. money and money and money and money. money we do not have. money i will probably never have. i'm unemployed. sinking fast. everything is. going right down hill. right down into hell. we're almost there. buckle up please. 91,000. or something like that. more. most likely. what the hell can i do now? no job will pay me enough. i'm not qualified for shit. and it's my fault. my own stupid self centered fault. we're sinking so quickly. there's nothing to grab onto. we may have to move. no. we will have to move. soon. i presume. taz will have to be gotten rid of. loca too. we're losing our family. our minds. our money. and our happiness. all in one swoop. one iv needle in her arm. and it's all gone. graduation is soon. i don't feel like attending. pretending to be satisfied. happy. i'm not. right now. i'm angry and bitter and hating. and sad. so sad. seb talks about going out. getting loaded. i'm sure she can enjoy it. her biggest problem is whether or not to move to chicago or vegas. i will never be able to leave now. i will never be able to just go. to leave her behind. how can i? how can i possibly just walk away now? there's no way. and nothing i can do. it's all sinking. right down. into hell. things would be easier. if i had someone. someone i could rely on. someone to really help. someone to care as much as i do. she'll need 24 supervision. what are we to do? she'll need endless radiation and chemo. what are we to do? she'll need medication and check-ups. what are we to do? i'm falling. i can feel it. finals are coming at all sides. i can't keep up. my hearts aching. my souls wretched. i'm done. finished. i just want to leave. but now how can i? how can i ever? i feel caged. trapped. sad. hurt. bitter. angry. hateful. i feel alone.