I don't plan on doing much today, except maybe cleaning or what not. I'm a little slow today because of my long weekend. I'm a little worn out and disappointed that it could've went much better, but it didn't. I guess this is just how my summer is going to continue to go down. I thought about Pat and Keith last night. I thought about how much I liked both of them and how foolish I had acted around them. I thought about how much I wished I could've had them, one of them, or if possible both of them. I thought about how I keep dreaming and hoping for love, maybe I should just give up and give in. Love wasn't meant for me. Not really. Maybe momentary attraction is all I am deserving of. I thought about how I wish I was thin and beautiful. About how things would've been different if I had always been that way. It's a sad, but true fact. People don't give love to gross people. It just doesn't happen, well unless of course it's a pity thing. I realize now that Pat and Keith are not really worth my thinking time. They waste it. I will never see either one of them again, so I can't be all that down about what all took place. I am in the clear. I don't need to worry about them any longer because like I said before I won't ever see them again. This I am happy about. I need to make some changes. This is going to take a lot of work. HARD WORK. Something I'm not very good at. I have to do it though, because I'll never get the things I want unless I do some serious changing. I need to focus on it now, I can't wait until too late. SEB's lucky. She's always been thin and pretty. Always. She doesn't know what it's like to have to change to become beautiful and worth looking at. I need to change drastically. I need to change. I will change. I am changing already. I am tired. Done for now.