to all of this. i'm learning. now. the tricks. the ropes. never ends. the game never ends. the pain never ends. it goes. and goes. and goes. on. i am torn. broken. and left. i am dead to. this fucking. world. because. i am dead. to myself. NUMB NUMB NUMB numbing. pain. of. thought. and. memory. to remember things. is to miss things. and miss things. and miss things. and miss. it. all. the time. i miss her. i miss her. i miss her. i do. i do. i do. inside. and outside. and inside. again. i miss her. i miss her. i miss her. mother. mother. the guilt i feel is. there. there. between my ribs. beating. gently. "i have let her down" i am untrue to myself. this world. i have let her down. are the only words. i can feel. here in this dark place. of hate. regret. is. a. bastard. i am falling. to. pieces.