Right now I am sitting in an empty computer lab on campus. I just finished taking a rather easy, almost too easy, exam. Journalism is not a favorite of mine. I am a writer. I am not a journalist. Nor would I like to be. I am sitting here wasting time. Time so I can see Keith. Why? Because I am pathetic. Actually I am fighting the urge to sit here and wait. Why am I fighting? Because I want to deep down inside, wait. I won't though. An hour is a long time to wait for someone, well to just talk to them or catch a glimpse of them. I'm wondering if he'll miss me today. I wonder if he thinks about me at all. Probably not. Most likely not. John is still currently in the hospital. It could be a number of things. He has had 4 bipasses, heart surgery. He is an alcoholic. He is a smoker. He is an unhealthy eater. He is also 62. One foot in the grave and the other one waiting to run. I don't hate him for all the turmoil. I don't hate him for hurting my mother's heart. I hate him for being so good some times and so bad others. I hate him for being only my step father and not my real father. I hate him because I am afraid he is going to die. There have been times when I haven't liked him very much. There have been times I have cursed his name to hell. But I wouldn't wish death on him. He's actually a rather good guy. When he's sober. When he's sober. I feel odd today. Like something is waiting. Pausing briefly to let me breathe, but waiting to come crashing down. My life has been reasonable so far. I won't ask for much. I will plead my case though and hope that someone hears me. I will plead for his sake and my mother's. They are all I have. After they are gone I will be absolutely alone. My family is not the type I want to be associated with after my mother passes. They have hurt her and have angered me in the process. No one's prefect I know, but some times souls come close. I wonder if everyone would love me if they knew all the horrid, troubled, weird, and shameful things I have done in my 21 years of life. I am a cold fish. I am a flea bitten dog. I am lonely. I am scared. I am sad. And I am breaking. I'm done for now.