Today is a usual day. I have homework to do. I have errands to run. I am sure I have other things to do. I got 'happy' last night. Real happy. I had to I guess. I am addicted to the good feeling. Sarah, my good friend, was in an accident the other night. I didn't find out until yesterday late in the afternoon before Biology. I feel bad. I don't want her to get hurt. She's a nice person. To nice for pain. We talked on the phone last night. Long time. Good conversation. She's worried about us. I was worried about her. I don't know what to make of any of this. I have a song stuck in my head and it's annoying me because I don't know the name. I feel like skipping out early on Friday. Ditching my Journalism class. Why go? Why not go? I wish I could skip the whole day. I've already missed though. I'm so far behind it's doubtful I'll catch up. I'm not sure yet whether I care or not. Maybe deep down inside somewhere I care, but on the surface I'm numb. John looks worse today. He sleeps a lot now. He's rarely awake. My mother said that this is what my aunt did before she died. It's tearing my mother up inside. I can't fix it. I wish more than anything that I could. It's cold in this house. It's cold outside. I need a break from all of this shit. A nice long exaggerated break. My heart hurts. My soul hurts. My mind is hurting. I don't want to think or feel anymore. I wish I were just a simple machine. Maybe than I wouldn't feel so much. Positive thought: I'm not the one dying. Although it feels like it. Done.