this is it. the end of the world. and so on and so forth and please dont be discouraged. because. we all feel the same. in one way. or. another. and please remember to always pick up your cigarette butts because pollution isnt the answer to depression. or. maybe. it might be. all i know is finding a job these days is liking finding a blonde hair on my head. it isnt happening. it isnt even close to happening anymore. and im beginning to feel a bit down and out of sorts. because. no job. means no place to live. means no reason to stay. means i wasted my fucking small inheritance on a chance not even worth taking. not in reality. and im fighting the fucking urge to just go drink. because. drinking and drugging and lying is all i really do well these days. no excuses needed. nor necessary at this point. i am down. and down right disgusted. my talent is my damnation. and if i hadnt fucked it all up id be sitting pretty around a bunch of morons getting paid 10 an hour to listen to some customers whining bullshit. not that im bitter by any means. afterall. I DID DO THIS TO MYSELF. right. of course. and applications are leading no where and im finding myself on the very verge of tears. or yelling. or hitting someone for any reason. dont give up they say. live the right life. the sober life. the new life. fuck what they say.