ive decided i like my life too much. i dont want to change into some perfect little normal person who does all of the right things at exactly the right times and never ever ever makes mistakes. i cannot wear that mask. i cannot wear that feeling. i cannot pretend to be all put together. i cannot make all right decisions. i cannot be you. and you. cannot be me. i like my addictions. my afflictions. my wounds that never seem to actually heal. but they do offer to hurt less once ive hurt something else. ive got the scars to prove that i have seen that. have done that. and have brought home the free tshirt. i am not your average girl. i am not your typical girl. short hair. black clothes. heavy drinking. heavy smoking. heavy coking. and heavy issues. i am not your typical girl. your run of the mill girl. your im so pretty just because i have a vagina girl. im rough. im tough. ive been hit. knocked down. have fallen down. and have gotten right back up. i runaway from problems. and ignore mistakes. i chase stolen pills with booze. just because i like too. i dont play at being cool because cool doesnt exist anymore. not in my world anyway. if you think your cool your the least cool person around. i am not image. but i like to imagine. my reputation usually makes it farther then i do. and im fine with that. know what others tell you. i dont mind. think whatever you want. i have better things to do with my time then trying to change your mind. ----------------------------------- you know. people usually assume im a dyke. the whole short hair drinking and fighting and biting and being mean thing plays at it. and ill grin and bear it. im not afraid of people mis-labeling me. because i dont mind labels. i try not to use them. but im a hypocrite. and so are you. i like my life because ive grown to accept the pain of defeat in many things. the pain of losing love. and losing friends. and my mother. she made me who i am today. all of the good and all of the bad. and i am proud of that. i was going to attempt a major overhaul of my exsistence. of my life. i believe i will and have cleaned it up a bit. but i wont go all of the way. i cant. im too young to plan on dying. to plan on a retirement. because there is no retiring for me. i believe. im going to go the distance. and all i hope for is when whatever happens happens. i still have a fucking outrageous story to tell. we are nothing without our memories. i am nothing without my stories. my tales of outlandishness. and im happy with who i am. despite the days im not so happy. i still look in the mirror and see a pretty girl with crazy hair and tired eyes. i see a girl who has come a long fucking way and made a ton of fucking mistakes. i dont see regret though. i see browneyes and a straight nose and a well placed dimple. i see a smile people like. a face i adore. i see myself. and i know who i am.