that its all going to work out one way or another or another and then one more. time. its failed. bleh. nonsense. no sense. sense. of. nothing. i loathe routine. and feeling the same about the newsameoldthings. i dont live in dreams and i would rather fight through the schemes of everyday nothings. and everythings. so i give up on dan and have decided to leave him be. there are a few things im better at then most. not to pat myself on the back. but by now my heart has become accustomed to leaving things be. leaving them alone. forgetting they exist. because. i cant really miss anything else now. i really cant need or want or feel for anyone else now. not now. not anymore. because. when i weigh all of the past with all of the now it just isnt equal. it just doesnt mean as much. and. no. it. never really will ever again. because. theres nothing really left to me. o. no. im not sad and depressed and pitypitymeshit. im just saying. when. at first i think its going to tear me apart. theres just nothing. not even that old sting of disappointment. not even that tiny little nagging feeling of pain that used to occur. nothing. no reaction. my heart just seems to lump up for a brief moment and only reply with a cold short "next." i dont know if ill ever really feel for anything ever again. id like too. but. ive come to notice that now its just so much easier to really truly not care. i could not care less. and. really. i cant. bleh. defected. ----------------------- it doesnt matter. things move on. and eventually ill find myself homehome once again. and see those people i sortofkindof miss right now just a bit. ---------------------------------- work is what it is and the same old damn thing of routine is creeping in. and of course ill have to fix it. --- id really like to find a new place to go. to roam. to call my temporary home. maybe. soon. actually. ------------------------------------------ im hungry. sort of.