We all fought last night. Me. My mother. My stepfather. Hate fights. Hate Violence. Hate this house. Thinking of dissing college. Could leave than. Could finally get away. 1.5 years left. Don't know if it's worth it anymore. Don't know if really care. Hit her. No more forgiveness. Alcohol poured out. No forgiveness. Bleak day. Wishing for release. 2 more days until break is over. 2 more days until burden of classes returns. Not excited. Not bummed. To calm for comfort. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ anger, pure anger rage filled heart screaming madness screaming desperation hating all there is to hate regretting everything days pass by right before my eyes no more secrets no more lies heart flutters soul creeps and dies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maybe it's good that break is over. Have had my fun. Have had my horror. Classes may be the real break. Summer will be here soon. Not looking forward to anything. Depressed. Sad. Angry. Sad. General mood is deteriorating. Festering hatred. Hate this feeling. Want to be happy again. What a lousy end of break. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I won't. Not today. Not tomorrow. Once happiness comes again. Done for now. Home again. Went out for few hours. Needed an escape from guilty silence. Got product. Smoked. Feeling much better. Feeling lighter. Happier. Smarter. Stronger. After tonight. Only one more day until break is over. ONE. Don't know how to feel. Phone rings. No message. Have to call friend back. Bye.