and someday we'll be allowed to do more then just stare across a parking lot full of recovering assholes. and someday i'll be on a different level and hopefully if all pulls through you will be too. watching every move i make and making sure i'm not being watched while making all of these moves is tiresome. but. i cant let it get me down. because. once i do then all turns to tragedy. keep smiling. keep smiling. and its times like this that i really miss not being sober. but. i wouldnt trade all the annoyance in the world for a bottle of booze. not now. not again. i wont give up this feeling. of being so fucking happy to wake up on a new morning any morning. to be so excited when i lay down my head that sleep just seems like a waste. i get giddy each and every time now just thinking about the possibility of tomorrows and the days to come. i cant help but fear the feeling wont last. but. i know i cant fear anything with god on my side. and i know it all seems so lame and corny and insane and stupid. but. it isnt. not now. not now that i see just what in the world i was born to be. behold the wonder. of this feeling.