"And the beat goes on..." I woke up today. rather early. rather late. Either way. I've decided to quit my addictions. Let them fester for awhile. Find something to occupy my time. School-work maybe. Finding-a-job maybe. Something. A new hobby. a new dig. It won't be easy. i know. i'm fully aware. [it burns already] But this is how it goes. We get lucky for only so long. Before we're pushing it. the limits. The understanding of Fate. It works at odds all the time. "It isn't easy being happy." No. It isn't. not for me. i don't know why. But that's how it is for some. The unlucky few who only dwell on the 'bad' shit in life. It's a hard cycle to break. Destroy. Get a grip on. But. i need too. before it's all too late. And I end up in worse shape. Feeling bad. Is wasting my time. Straightening out isn't so hard. I've done it more than once before. It's a repeated situation. but each time it gets easier. a little. I don't know. But something has to give. And right now. i have to give. Release. Relax. And breathe. So moving slowly on. I'm feeling a little happy today. (Happier?) WHichever. I feel something. A little lighter in the loafers? Maybe not. But something is changing. I can only hope for the best. I haven't done much all weekend. I still need to talk to people tomorrow. For my class. Journalism. isn't my DEAL. But it's something I gotta do right now. I feel this. I feel that too. I feel. I don't feel so glum right now. so SAD. I feel better. which is good i believe. SEB is still having difficulties with J and K. She needs to lay down THE LAW. And deal with it. Back out of the situation and let it all come together. We can't force things, ya know? Wishing will get you nothing. Dreaming will only lead to SLEEPING. "Don't ask!" So today. I plan on visiting Dani for a moment or TWO. Than coming home. Cleaning my room. Smiling some. Relaxing. Maybe see SEB. Maybe not. I don't know. and i'm fine with that. We can't know everything. or expect it. [Ride the Tide] I plan on this. PRD is, well, is what he is. and where he is. I don't have much more to add. or feel. Or want. I give on that. Give up. So. Other than that shit. I feel DIVINE. sublime. re-defined. It isn't so hard being me. Being what I am. Being how I am. I'm AIGHT. to put it ebonically. So let's see. How do ye be? Fine, as me? (No answer required) PERCIFIRATE? I am a poet. a writer. a soon-to-be starving artist. I am all these things and more. And I'm happy with that. It's not easy changing 10 years of bad behavior and depressed feelings. It isn't easy waking up and smiling. (Not for me anyways) It isn't easy trying to be something else when you know it might not work. It isn't easy living. And breathing. And doing. And being. But. Fuck it. In the end. Nothing matters. Why? Because it's the fucking end. 100 years from now. no one will know nor care who or what any of us did. We will be gone. and so will be everyone else. History doesn't care how many times you lied. The future doesn't sit and wait to judge us. In the future we will be the past. And so forth and so on. So do now what you feel. Because tomorrow may be too late. "And here ends my rambling advice." Now onto happier things. I graduate in less than 25 weeks. TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC. I have more weight to lose. More hair to grow. More tanning to do. And more time to adjust to a new personality. I have time. I have a chance. I am happy. I am. So smile. Grab a friend and dance. And if you ain't got no friends, grab a stranger. Cause we all need to get down sometime. "If you're not with the one you love...love the one you're with." DFN.