If Only...the grass was pink the sky was yellow and everyone loved Jesus... I haven't written a decent poem since February 21 or something. a week after CJ and I broke up. Or something. And Kayleigh "bet" that Scott and I would end up back together. I remember I was hesitant to let myself love him again because I hurt him and it hurt me, seeing him and knowing... If only it wasn't high school. If only I didn't know so damn much. If only, if only; gas prices were down, divorce rate was down, we voted for intelligence and not for attractiveness, people realized the earth is overpopulated... What constitutes poetry? I forget. And what is a song? A poem to music? And what is music? I don't remember. Who are you? Who am I? What are we doing? Why are we here? And what's this shovel for? I don't want to wake up tomorrow and go to class. I don't want to go to school at all and I just want to sleep forever. If only. I thought about stuff today. I should have gone to Matt's house and said, "Hey, remember me? We're supposed to get married as soon as we're old enough, and isn't 16 old enough here where we live?" And he wouldn't remember.. Any more than I do. The story is that as 3 or 4 year olds we walked up to my grandmother and told her we were going to get married as soon as we were old enough. AWww... freaking touching.      Stupid kids. But that's okay, the divorce rate is 60 to 100 and it isn't going down. Why bother, you know? And then there's this whole thing... Is it true that your mom wants me to convert? Does she know I'm not LDS? Or is this something else that Mick made up? Suddenly tears spring to my eyes to my mind to my cold fingertips. A painful jolt in my heart freezes me tenses me kills a tiny bit of me.