7:46 Monday Evening   Step Up I miss school. I wish i had a brain for actual solving, rather than following formulas and plugging numbers in. I can read and I can operate a formula, I can copy a picture with my hands and I can memorise elements in the periodic table; but any real problem solving, any actual application...that's beyond my level of thinking. i'm such a normal person. I did get DDR from Santa Clause though. hooray for Santa Clause. DDR wouldn't be much use without the other things I got, though, two dance pads, and a play station 2...so yeah. hooray for not even thinking about Baby Jesus. I went to church on sunday, and went to the christmas eve service..but neither was very inspiring. meh. anyway, i'm going to go finish reading the book i borrowed from Katie. I'm kind of sad about this whole trip. I'm really not getting to spend as much time as I want with my Caleb. I was thinking about it last night before I went to bed. All the things on the list of things we were supposed to do...we did build a snowman and have a bit of a snowball fight; we made snow angels...but meh. I wanted to go walking down the lane with him. we did go hot tubbing but I wanted to go to a park with him. I want to spend one-on-one time with him...It's cool hanging out with my family and friends but it'd be nice...just to go walk up the hill at night to watch the stars and talk about the things that matter to us. meh.. I think of that song by Dashboard Confessional, "So Beautiful," something in the lyrics like, whatever you've got isn't enough... i feel like that. We went to Katie's uncle's house last night, Christmas night. Katie's uncle is loaded. with money. His house is a huge southern cali house with a large, lush, green lawn, an outdoor bar, a beautiful garden...just everything oozes money. I wasn't sure if I liked it or if I hated it. I don't think I liked it. I don't think I'd want to be rich. Someday I'd like to go on a mission to India, I think. Like Caleb's parents. Not to preach or try to convert anyone to christianity...but to see what living is really like. to befriend at least one person who can change how i see the world. Because I'm selfish like that. okay i'm really going for real now. Going to go read with my darling Caleb. I hope everyone had a lovely christmas.