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Feeling: bipolar
3:15 Sunday Afternoon   Misplaced Anger I am too sensitive. I've been really weird .... a lot lately. i can't blame it on PMS so I don't know what's wrong with me. Last night i was off the walls happy, laughing and dancing and jumping around, and then someone says two words and suddenly i'm bawling. Today in sunday school I cried. Emily sat with me and comforted me and asked me if I was okay, I shook my head but how can I say what's on my mind? She said that she was glad that there are still youth in this world who give a damn. she said that i can change the world. Even if I don't believe that right now, she said that I can. I want to believe her, but i'm only one person. I can't change much. I'd go on a mission but all I want to do is help people. I don't want to be like "jesus is the only way" because i don't necessarily believe that. And i don't want to preach something that i don't believe. I just want to be a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, someone you can count on. I want to go somewhere desolate and live with people that the rest of society is afraid of, not because they've done wrong but because they're poor and wretched...But i'm afraid because i'm a member of this society and I'm afraid of what I'll see. what I will or won't have. I don't know anything. People say that without the bad, you'd never understand the good. Times of peace wouldn't be appreciated without war. What i don't understand is why i should get to have a good life and appreciate how good it is at the expense of the millions of people who die every day because their situations are bad and they are persecuted. I have the best friends, a good community, a lovely house, warm food and clothes. i am priveleged but i want the rest of the world to be priveleged too...but we can't operate like that. I just..i don't understand. I don't think i ever will. I'll never understand why I get to live a priveleged life because of circumstances that I can't control and because someone else's uncontrollable circumstances aren't as awesome as mine, they live a life that i would crumble in. it makes me feel small and cold and sad. I'm not proof reading this so i bet it doesn't make sense. but i needed to get it out.
Read 6 comments
Heh. I'm glad you're happy for me. You dont know how hard it was to not throw up.
I think you'll do good in the world :] You made me smile. That's an accomplishment worth noting [lol] I havent been much of a smiler lately. Feel better, sugar
♥
your words are profound, missy [lol]
i hope we both feel better, too
ugh. i think i just got a virus -.-
♥
hey it's [camera]

i'm going to be writing in this diary for a while...or for now on, I'm not sure. But I thought I would let you know.
Right: I shall have two comments today. Oh how confusing.

Firstly, people who have as much faith and love for their church used to scare me, and it worries me that I have now become one of the people who turns people away because they think they can never be that committed. The thing is, I know they can be because I was one of those people who really couldn't have cared less.

I like it that I can make you happy.
"I'd go on a mission but all I want to do is help people. I don't want to be like "jesus is the only way" because i don't necessarily believe that. And i don't want to preach something that i don't believe. I just want to be a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, someone you can count on."

I completely and utterly agree with you. I just can't understand how people can go on a mission into utter poverty and just go to preach. I don't have a...
... problem with people going to preach but then going to just preach and not help the people who are living in utter poverty, I just don't understand it.

I want to go on a World Challenge, because it's like a mission without the preaching bit.

Plus I don't really want to insult other people just because they aren't Christian, I'm more of a believer in many routes to the same God.