10:26 Mid Wednesday Night   What am I turning Into? There are so many things that i wish were different. I wish that he'd never come into the picture. I wish that i didn't miss home. I wish that i was happier, and that i knew how to dance without looking like a dick, and that i didn't have so many bad habits, and that i saved money better... the list goes on. sometimes I feel like such a useless waste of energy, and sometimes I feel like i'm the most important person in the world. what do I feel like now? why can't i make up my mind? and why can't i make myself happy? Where am I going in life? is it time for a free write again.... hearing happiness death (why is it always death, why is that always the first thing that pops into my head?) i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate is this something to do with my core personality? is this just repressed feelings coming out? what am i angry about ? what do i hate? why do i think about death wheni'm thinking about nothing else except that blah blah blah blah stuff ball blue dragon foot fingernail typing save blink fast faster fastest dirty scratched glasses covered in dust and dust and dust is death incarnate and we are all made out of star dust. i like stars, the great floating balls of fusion and incredible heat and power and what is this song that's just come on is it from handel's messiah? i like classical music a lot, it makes me feel refined even though i'm not and i really never will be. there are two (at least)sides to my personality, and i never know who i am. not ever. not ever. i wonder if i will ever meet me. i wonder if i will ever get to know me.