10:59 Monday Night   I See You in my Dreams Yesterday, I danced for half an hour. It was the highlight of my day. Then I talked to Caleb and it was the highlight of my night? I never ask him about his day anymore. I am always hopeful that he will e-mail me. But he hasn't e-mailed in 3 days. He's busy. I wish he was less busy. I miss waking up excited to check my e-mail. It's only been 3 days but i hate the sad that settles over me when I check my mail and crickets chirp loudly at me. "No new messages." "oh. Ah well...guess i'll just ... carry on.." Today I woke up at 9. I was so cold. I'm always so cold. I went back to sleep and the phone rang at 10. It was Mandy. She wanted to know if I was going to the parade with her. I showered and left. I got there right before the huge crowds started piling in. The people we sat next to were nice. Not like previous years where people yell at us if we sit on the curb and block their "legspace." I ate too much candy. Mandy and I watched Love Actually. I love that movie...I hate that I love it but yeah. It's good...sure. I think it's good. I had a bowl of ... Waffle crisp...it was gross. I spilled on my dress and smelled like fake maple flavour the rest of the day. Mandy laughed at me. She's almost done with her quilt. Q is a pretty letter. I went home. I went to a barbecue party with my parents. I didn't know anyone. Daddy got mad at me for mumbling. He won't let me tip my hair. i love him...i just wish i knew why i can't tip my hair. I was sitting, not saying anything, and he asked me if i wanted to be driven home. I said no. He told me thatI was bringing everyone else down. So I went to the car and cried and slept. I woke up at 10 p.m. It was cold. Caleb was in my dream. and i didn't hug him. Because my dream took place at school. stupid school. I miss him too much. it's not fair. i hate being so depressed about something that no one can help. I feel so dumb and pathetic and that only makes me more depressed and it's all a big fat spiral that ... man. why can't I just accept it? Oh well. here I go to start writing another unreturned e-mail. Oh i feel sick to my stomach.