4:19 mid Tuesday afternoon (13 April 2010)

A speck in the Cosmos

When looking at the night sky, the feeling I get is only describable as what implosion must feel like. There is infinite space and a finite amount of matter on our planet. Our planet is nothing. it isn't special. Our civilizations are small specks on a small speck. Our greatest achievements, our massive evils...completely insignificant on such a grand scale as the universe.

It has always boggled my mind thinking about the orders of magnitude in which we measure the universe. we have atoms, measurable on the picometer scale, all the way up to the distances between galaxies on a terameter scale. we have masses smaller than a picogram and greater than a gigagram.We measure time from instantaneous to historical, milliseconds to millenia.

When we die there is no celestial mourning or celebration, just decomposing bodies giving life to other insignificant beings. Our bodies turn slowly into the gases carbondioxide and water, the minerals and less degradable organic material gets mixed into the soil. plants take the CO2 and H2O that used to make up the majority of our bodies and combine it with sunlight and the nutrients we left to the soil into energy and structure, which is in turn introduced into the rest of the food web. Over time our molecules and atoms get dispersed all over, until there are pieces of us in everything.

Was Jesus just a man who died like anyone else, whose molecules are now intermixed with everything else? reused over and over for so many life times? Is that what they meant when they said Jesus was in my heart? is this the Buddha's enlightenment? the Hindu reincarnation? What is God, except the rules and rhythms that guide the universe; the laws of physics and mathematics that everyone must obey?

I don't know except to say that it makes me rethink spirituality.

I often ask questions I don't want answered.