9:43 Sunday Morning   Pretending They Care I stayed up late on Wednesday talking to Caleb. Eew, i hate to think of what it will be like when school starts...i won't be able to stay on past midnight anymore. Thursday i woke up at 9:30 and did nothing until I went to lunch at Indian Oven with Dan and Nicole. It was good to hang out with them. They came by around 2, we went to IO, we (took a while before we) ordered, we waited for our food, and we got our food. The restaurant wasn't open, just the takeaway, so we drove back to my house to eat it. We stopped by a little kid's stand on our way, these two young girls were selling cookies and rice krispy treats for ten cents each so we got some. xD And then it was 3:30 by the time we started eating and Nicole had to leave at 3:45 to go to work. I drove Dan home a little while later. Then at 6 I went next door for dinner...but was still absolutely full from my huge lunch and just picked at my food before giving it to dad and leaving on the basis that I felt sick. I wrote an e-mail to caleb and then talked to Arina, and just as i was saying goodbye to arina to go to bed, Caleb got online. So i talked to him for 2 hours and didn't get to bed until 2:30 again. I woke up at 7:45 on Friday morning and cleaned and played the didjeridoo all morning until Hailey came over. Then Hailey and I went to Walmart (BUBBLES!!! and pizzas that we ended up not using...and some fake mountain dew), Hastings (ZOMBIE MOVIES!!! yay), and Sam's Club (GAS!!!! my car needed a fillup desperately), then back to my house. We watched Invader Zim episodes (she'd never seen it before! the poor girl!) and played Pogs. It was great fun. Then Mandy came. Then we three played pogs and Hailey kicked both our trash. but that game is so fun. Mickey showed up and the three of us sat around to wait for others. Then Sara and Derek showed up... then CJ CAME!!! wow! nothing tragic happened after all! (I dated CJ for about a month in January 2oo4 and every single time he said he would come visit, "something" came up. Finally on Feb 14, the school's semiformal Valentine's Day dance that I was looking forward to going to with him, CJ couldn't go after promising me..and then i broke up with him because I couldn't take it anymore. But I basically had a crush on him the whole time i was going out with Scott). Then we went inside and started our zombie movies. Sara asked why she didn't get the same sort of Greeting that CJ did so I tacklehugged her and screamed "I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD COME I LOVE YOU SARA" which was even more than i did for CJ. Then I went upstairs to get something and Sara came up and told me she didn't want to be here, so I told her to leave. It hurt me. But way to be blunt, right? "To be honest...I don't want to be here." "Leave, then." So now I feel bad for pressuring her to come...But is it so mean of me to want my best friend to be at a party I throw? "I don't want to be here" I'm screaming in my head. "It's not just Derek." I'm sobbing in my head. It feels like we're breaking up. "It's your family, too," I said. "I wish you could come," she said. My teeth are clenching. I think they have their own mind. I'm sad that she replaced me. There goes the summer that I was looking forward to. Working and sleepovers and hanging out. The only time I ever see her without Derek now is at work. Even the night I came home she brought Derek. She wouldn't sleep over because Derek was sleeping over. Well I'm sure Derek can offer a lot that I can't. He has kissable lips and holdable hands and money. He is the boyfriend. She tried to ditch him for me once but then he came along anyway. then I felt bad again for making her ditch him. I am so tired of feeling bad. I missed my best friend and I thought she missed me. Now my best friends are, again, on the other side of the world. At least Aaron hangs out with me. It was cool also, hanging out with Hailey. I guess if Sara doesn't need me, i'll just latch onto Aaron. The only boy i feel comfortable "cuddling" besides Caleb. and even then. I don't know. I feel alone. Aaron came too and so did Craig, and we watched Zombie movies and we watched Fireworks and we had a grand old time and it was fun. I enjoyed myself and I guess Sara wouldn't have liked my movies anyway. Everyone left at midnight or before, except Hailey who slept over. She woke up at 6 the next morning, I woke up at 7:30. We hung around until noon when we went to the pool until 2ish then we went backto my house and her parents came and I took a nap and I cried because I miss Caleb and I am pathetic like that. I got to talk to him last night for a few hours. It was nice. for almost 4 hours, i think. I love talking to him. I also saw Chelsea working at the pool. And when i get my paycheque, I hope Chelsea will hang out with me to help me tip my hair. that would be a blast. At midnight I went to sleep. Minnaloushe slept the whole night with me. Or at least, he was there when i went to sleep and he was there when i woke up at 6 and he was there again when i woke up at 9. I feel like going back to sleep. I feel like Thursday and Friday can't come soon enough. I am working then. I get to work on Thursday with Sara. Friday is a Black and white dinner which I'm excited for, too. Sara's parties are both on thursday. I'm working dinners on both thursday and friday. I think I missed Church. I want to go 'home.' Maybe I should go to UC with Caleb. Could I leave my cat for Caleb? Do I love Caleb so much that my love for him overcomes my love for Minnaloushe, who has more or less been at my side for the past almost 9 years minus the year I was in NZ? Maybe so. But first i have to survive senior year. and right now it looks like i have to survive senior year without a best friend. except in december when caleb comes. doot do do.