Saturday, 9:12 a.m.   Hidden Meanings in the Subconscious I had some weird dreams last night. I dreamed that I was at a house, and all the Guys from school were there. It was weird because it was like we all lived there or something. And a lot of them went to work at a weird stadium deal. Where there were a lot of bull fights. And then it changed and I was a cow. On the arm of a bull. And we were going to the bulls house, he was such a gentleman, and I was trying to make him promise that he wouldn't leave me like the others did? And he was wearing a tophat and a coat with tails and I was wearing a dress and a pearl necklace, and a big feather boa. Because obviously cattle wear clothes. Then it changed and I was at the beach with my parents, Sara's parents, Mandy's parents, and Sara. Sara and I were just hanging out on the sand and then I made her go down to the beach with me. And I found some really awesome sea shells...until I woke up. It was just a little bit weird. I don't usually remember more than one of my dreams a night, if that. I want some suspenders. A fedora. A black feather boa. I want to be beautiful I am so shallow. I miss being hit on. I mean, occasionally on the 'Net someone will flirt with me. but not in person anymore. And I don't have any lovely boys to kiss and hold anymore. Boys here don't like me in a romantic way. Hello Freshman year. Except I have more guyfriends...and I might ask Caleb on a date? I don't know. We'll see how it goes. I leaned my head on my arm and stared at the screen. I wanted to type something but I didn't know what. I could smell toast being burnt in the kitchen and hear the sound of the Olympics on the tv over the album I was listening to. I sighed and thought it would be just another boring Saturday. Maybe go to the QE 2 pool today and get some good laps in. Just let all this stress out. I began to type. Someone had signed on while I was thinking. They talked to me and I saw their minimized window blinking blue at me under what I was typing. Just the usual formalities. "Hey." "Hey!" "How's it going?" "It's okay, you?" "yeah same" etc. etc. Sometimes i might get into a gripping conversation. It might be about soy, it might be about the world's problems, it might be who-has-a-crush-on-who. But it's a gripping conversation. Sometimes I don't. And once the formalities are over I let the box just sit there. After 20 minutes or so I usually close it. This is nice. I don't have to fight my sister for the computer now because she's at a friend's house fora sleep over. And all her friends hate me. I doubt I'll be going to any sleep overs at all this year, considering most of my friends are guys. There's Joyce and Arina, but I don't hang out with them, just talk sometimes in class or on the Net. They're supercool people though. I miss Sara! *pout* No one's as cool as Sara. None of the girls here are into the Indie second-hand look. No one here would go to all the Salvation Army stores finding -just- the right outfit. I wish Sara were here. We could go to that band stand in the art place and do improv. Our favorite is getting mad at each other. We're really good at it. I think I'm done for now. ------------------ 10:52 a.m. Listening to Blink 182 makes me miss Scott hella lots. By the way. Fuck you. Have a good day! :D