Thursday, 7:06 p.m.   These Tears Come Unbidden To My Eyes That sounds so sad. And by sad i mean horrible, cliché. It's awesome, Jewel's song "Adrian" sounds like a child's lullaby or play song, but those lyrics are so sad. Actually, that's the way a lot of Jewel's stuff is. This is an old album, i think 5 years or so old. I want to sing to him, but I don't know. I don't know what to sing. And what if I suck at singing? I want some confidence in my voice. Sometimes I feel really good about singing, and other times, like this afternoon, I was so self conscious about it. I don't know why, I always feel like I can be myself around him. Maybe next time. We got bubbles today and went to his house and sat on the deck and blew bubbles. He got so good at it, i was jealous. So i popped his. Then we had tickle wars and played the piano some (he figured out Canon in D). I wish i could play the piano. I wish i could play the bass. I wish I could sing. Empty wishes. I'm not really sad at all, but it seems like I should be. Maybe it's because my friend isn't happy. Maybe it's because the sky is dark and grey. Maybe it's because watching bubbles pop is kind of pitiful. Maybe. (shrug) I'm craving some warm, soft, chocolate chip biscuits. (sigh) A big blanket, a plate of soft chocolate chip biscuits, a fire, and of course, Caleb. He's warm. :3 Someone else knows about us, and neither of us can figure out how. =/ it's not Zeb. It might be Nik, but I think it's Hyun Woo(as everything is Hyun Woo's fault). :) I had a good day. It was short. yay! ----------------- 9:30 p.m. I love bubbles. I really do. I whisper wishes and messages in my brain and send them through the magic bubble wand with its soapy slimy curtain with a slow, deliberate breath. When I was little I thought the bubbles would take them where they were supposed to go. Like if I whispered a message to my soul mate, wherever he was in the world, he would get it. I like to catch bubbles on my magic bubble wand and watch the swirls and see my reflection doubled, once upside down, in the fragile curved film. My face is distorted and it feels like real beauty. Distorted and real. All the colours, and then they slowly turn into specks instead of swirls, and with a few droplets it bursts. A bubble's lifespan is not long. I kissed a bubble today. And caught one on my magic bubble wand and popped it on Caleb's nose. And watched all the pretty swirly spheres float away into the evening sky. If tomorrow night's weather is good, there will be a barbecue. I hope the weather is good, I hope it doesn't rain. Bubbles don't do well in the rain. And I will bring my camera this time. ----------------- 10:47 p.m. I am sad. The News is sad. The World is sad. People live out their good lives in disregard of everyone else, Or they live in poverty and abuse, starving to death and dying of disease. We're all dying of disease. Apathy is the American Disease.