Wednesday, 5:38 p.m.   A Sad sort of Happy Wow, how long has it been since I was anything less than happy (let alone all the way down to depressed!)? I want "you" to be happy. And I'm not sure you will read this because you admitted that you never really read my diary anymore (because you get a little jealous). Which, of course, made me assume (since you are an ex boyfriend) that me talking about other guys made you sad. And yes. I am as happy as I'm pretending. I just don't know. Everything I do seems to be a blow to you or something, I've "changed" to something that isn't good enough for you or some poo like that; And what? I said, lucky you, to have an ex-girlfriend so distant and uncaring and you said you wished she was but if I cared, if I cared about you making out with Keira, I would be some jealous bitch and I would be mad at you instead of your friend, instead of trying to be really nice about it, instead of realising that it is legal for you to kiss other girls (after all, you're not dating me). Is that would you would rather? I just don't know what you want, my dear. It just gets harder and harder to be your friend. First you say im not open with you anymore even though it seems to me that you're the one being closed. I will answer any question you ask, but lately, you're not even talking to me. Oh well. Anyway, tonight's a bible study at Caleb's. Daddy said I could drive. Oh yeah, and i stayed after to see Geniesa and Arina's band practice, to see if they wanted me to sing. (they didn't ask me to) I listened to them jam and i jotted down some crap lyrics. I need to go now, it's chelsea's turn online.