10:30 Friday Night   The sooner I get out of here, the better There aren't many things I regret. I'll tell you what though. I regret my stupidity and naievity, All the dumb things I do in my car that could have gotten me, or worse, my friends killed if the situation had been any different. I regret Scott. Well, that's not fair to say. Because if I hadn't had that relationship I'd never have learned. I just wish I could have learned some other way. hey kids. getting into drugs is bad. So i burst into tears while driving home from a football game tonight. sometimes it's like i have no friends and everyone's just pretending. I don't care that much but i wish they'd tell the truth. That's also not very fair of me to say. I have Hailey, and Erin, and basically anyone that's too far away for me to hang out with every day. Sometimes i even feel like Aaron and Taylor are just using me / pretending to like me to make me feel better / whatever. but i've always had trust issues when it comes to friends, ever since I was like 8 or 9 when I was only having playtimes with this girl i knew because I didn't want her to feel bad that I didn't really like her that much. Then it occurred to me that if I felt this way about this girl, she might feel the same about me. Not only her but any of my other friends as a 3rd grader. Also, Mandy and Katie. Mandy was always gossipping about Katie behind her back and I was just excited that Mandy was paying attention to me until one day it dawned on me that Katie and Mandy are best friends and if Mandy's talkin' 9-year-old-girl smack about KATIE behind her back, what's she saying about me? And now i don't trust that my friends here really like me. It's interesting because I was worried that the people I wanted to befriend weren't going to like me at all, but once I got to know them, I had absolutely no doubts whatsoever that they didn't like me. I don't know. I think i was just plain happier there. Because i wanted to be. And i guess I don't want to be happy here. It's hard to explain. I just wish I could be in a place where people will dance crazy with me.