So Sad Fear Panic, confusion Screaming, unknowing, sweating Goosebumps, shock, superman, sword Breathing, calming, sacrificing Faith, consentration Courage It was sad. Scott and I ended up on the floor in the middle of his room by 8 o'clock tonight crying. He was crying b/c everyone left him, he didn't feel good and wanted to play. And I started crying b/c I didn't know what to do and it was sad seeing him cry b/c I left the room for like a second. I tried to get ahold of Mutti b/c I didn't know what to do but we couldn't get her. So we rocked back and forth and cried holding our blankets and each other. Eventually we stopped crying and went and played with his toy food. The rest of the night went smoothly. I put him to bed at 9pm, but it was kinda hard saying goodnight to him. I couldn't stop kissing him. I needed a cuddle buddy today. I was angry at myself really... But I have stupid anxiety over stupid things. I have a B- in Photo...I'm now behind in my 5 assignment and I have 3 to make up before Friday in which I hafta use a book that I can't take home. Mutti told me to get out of 5th hour early to meet her in the circle drive so she could get to work on time while I babysat Scott. I sluffed that last part of class after the cop was wandering around our classroom all day. I had already had an encounter with that cop last week. So I was like hiding and Mutti didn't show up! I went to the Seminary building...then the bell rang...and Ryker found me walking to the circle drive. I kinda bit his head off b/c I was angry with anxiety. I feel bad and I wish so badly to apologize to him now. I blamed all my stress on me Mutti for being late. That wasn't good either. I then created a bad attitude that would forever ruin my night. As lame as I am I put in some anxiety and stress tapes to listen to. It was scary b/c I knew exactly what this stupid lady on this stupid tape was saying...not that she gave me tips to resolve it but I knew what it was like as she described it. I fell asleep to them tho. From then on I couldn't really be up and awake until I got to fall asleep for a bit. So when Vatti got home I went to take an hour and a half nap. I felt better. Scott and I juss laid around the house for like two hours until Vatti came home. It was nice... So I'm stressed over class...registering for next year and what classes to take so I can graduate and still get into college....stressed b/c Mutti scheduled dentist appointments at 11 in the morning, right in the middle of school. We're having an assembly and I'm gonna miss the Talent Show. Almost something worth watching....*pouts* Stupid dentist...why Mutti why? I made her cancel the one on Friday b/c it interrupted my tests and stuff. But on the plus side. I asked Derek to the Valentines Dance. I think he said yes. It wasn't fancy an' all that but hey, I think it was okay. I like simple dates and simple asking. I was looking for him all day b/c I knew if I didn't find him today I'd never ask him. So when everyone met in the auditiorium to get their schedules I saw my boyfriend, Jordan coming down and I made him sit with me b/c I knew Derek would sit by him. So then I kept poking Jordan and telling him I was nervous b/c I was gonna ask him out. He said to ask him. So I told him to ask Derek for me. teehee.... He did and in a round about way the question was asked and he said yes, or so said Jordan. So I leaned over Jordan and asked, "Would you go to the dance with me?" And he said, "Suureee" in the 'coolest' way w/o trying to sound stupid. He went bright red. He mumbled something, I coulda swore it was like a "Suree...but..." I'm shure there was a 'but' in there....but I heard the end, he said, "Okay, I will". I didn't know what he was I willing...so I turned to Jordan and asked, "Was that a yes?" He's like "Yeah, he said yes, but he also has to go pee really bad." Hope I didn't bring that on... But he's a red head and so he'll clash with my brand new red dress I bought. Oh well....Scott Knight is next on my victim list. Teeheee...although...Ken keeps looking at me lately.... Anyways...so yay, I finally got a date! You'd think it'd be easier for me... I didn't get to go swimming tho today. It sucked. Brian yelled all day, he had major PMS problems so the class laughed as we yelled at each other. I'll bring him a tampon morrow, see if it helps. teehee... I talked to Nate. He seems to be in better moods a lot more lately. I'm glad. Makes me happy. I'm gonna use a brush to Rykers butt b/c he keeps spanking me, his goal to make my butt black and blue and so far he's succeeding. So I'll use a brush on him, really hard. Teehee...I'll get him back... Stupid dentist, stupid school, stupid stress, stupid sluffing, stupid anxiety, stupid lateness, stupid stress tapes, stupid spankings, stupid PMS boys, stupid happy nate all the time now. Yay, to my date. Poor kid. Yay, got to see Levi and Kellie. Yay, to hugging Kellie and Levi hugging me/picking me up even over the auditiorium chairs. There's more stupids than yays. How sad... I claimed Scott as my lil' brother all the time at PTC. I love Scott. I think it's time to go to bed and forget this day ever really happened.....