Soooo...

Random insert that is on my mind

A somewhat distant relative of Gmas and probably mine came to live with Gma from ID so she could go to a 10-week school to get certified as a massage therapist here in SLC area. She is prolly early 20's doing the schooling and getting certified so she could start her own place in ID or something. Just a girl that knows what she wants and doing what it takes to get there.

She came to live with Gma, the same room I stayed in when I was going to college. She, like me, drove home almost every weekend to be with family, she just has farther to go. She has been using her dads giant truck most of the time. Got to be a killer on gas.

I've only seen her on those weekends when she doesn't go home and stays and eats with the family on Sundays. She seems very kind, patient, and polite. She has handled the 'nuts' in the family pritti well and their awkwardness and silliness. She talks to Brent without so much awkwardness. She handles Jeremys inappropriate questions very well. She helps in the kitchen after dinner doing the dishes and stuff unlike the boys... She usually disappears afterward to make phone calls to her family I suppose. She claims she doesn't study/do homework on Sundays, so she must be on the phone then.

She seems very mormon, very LDS, vigilant on praying, reading, going to church and the temple. Her countenance shows it. She knows who she is and what her purpose is.

Well she just finished her certification and can now do massage therapy as a living. She went to a school or job in Park City for only a few more weeks before starting a practice in ID or going out east for opportunities. So many opportunities. Not sure where she moved for a 'few weeks' that is closer to Park City, but okay. Near the end of her stay with Gma I saw her more, but she moved on.

Gma just called and said this girl, Cami, got into an accident on the way home to ID and died. Yes, in that giant truck. Apparently she was on the phone, got distracted, moved off the road, overcorrected and rolled the truck. She was young, full of opportunites and life, she was a good religious girl, and now she's gone. I just saw her a couple weeks ago. I remember her, I almost knew her, and she's gone.

http://www.ktvb.com/home/2-Idaho-women-killed-in-separate-rollover-crashes-200427501.html

According to the news/website she wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was ejected. Explained why the giant truck didn't save her. Those Idahoans and their lack of seatbelts...

I would hate to be the person who was on the phone with her when that happened.

Maybe now all the gas money to get to ID and back almost every weekend was worth it because it was the last 10 weeks of her life her family had with her, but then again at the same time, it was prolly her demise. Prolly safer on the phone talking to Mom then going to her. I take it she was close with her family and mom if she was on the phone with her all the time. I hope that is some consolation to her mom that she knew about Cami's life and got to see her almost every weekend til the end. I guess most importantly she knew her daughter was in a good place religious wise and some comfort knowing where Cami will be in the next life.

Something I can't give my parents. She was prepared. She was ready to go.

I suppose I am somewhat jealous of that fact. The main thing on my mind...

That could have been me. I was out of highschool and young, pursuing opportunities away from home, and going home every weekend I could to see family. Why didn't I die? What would happen to me? I was not/am not prepared. I am not ready. Where will I go? Where do my parents think I will go? What confidence do they have in me and my heart?

And poor Gma. She knew Cami well enough. She is 83 years old and just wants to go back to her hubby. She doesn't like the effects of aging, who does? She is prepared, she is ready, and here this young girl full of life is taken from the Earth. I know Gma would switch places with her in a heartbeat and wonders why she can't. Gma would think Cami so much more to live for than she does.

I hope it was quick for Cami. Sometimes its hard to think about God in those situations when you are just shocked about what just happened. I know she wasn't alone, but she might of felt like it. I hope she wasn't in pain. She didn't need any last minute prayers to God like some of us need. She knew, and He knew. Her heart and actions told everything God needs to know about who she is. I'd like to think it wasn't such a new and different feeling for her when she left. I'd like to think she knew that feeling often enough it was comfortable to her. Some people that don't know that feeling, that comfort, it comes as surprise to them and leaves them feeling scared. Like meeting someone for the first time. She knew God well enough, I hope she was not scared.

I say all this about a girl I hardly know with such confidence. But like I said, there are some peoples countenances that tell you everything. There is a light about them. A geniune love of life and people in them. I say all this as if God personally comes and pick up every soul that has died. It makes me feel better about it okay? Esp with animals and children. I see the mericiful part of God at that point. After the brutal deaths, God in his mercy comes for you.

I think its kind of odd this happened to her, to someone I knew, someone so young, because I have been thinking about myself dying young and wondering what would happen. I asked the boss what would happen to my house if I died. Do I need a Will? All I have is a house and savings. He said it would go to my parents. Oh good. The guys at the bank looked at me weird wondering why I was assigning heirs to my savings in case I died awhile ago.

The other day I was seriously tempted to write some type of Eulogy or goodbye letter in my journal to everyone I would want to say bye to. Not that I was planning on dying! Just to be prepared ya know? Just to say some things that otherwise might not be said. To help relief this random fear of dying before I'm 30. Granted, given where I live does not help the fears at all.... I feel like I'm consumed. Its not stopping me from living my life, but its on my mind a lot.

Well, lets just have this be said, just for the record. So I can say I told you so when I'm dead. If I die before I'm 30 I'd like to say that I think I had no desire for kids because somewhere in my heart I knew I would not live long enough to have kids and/or raise them and that is a mercy that God has given me cuz He knew I could not handle leaving this earth like that. He knows how I feel about children and animals. And if I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I'd like to think God did not have that planned for me here because He knew I would be gone so soon and knew whoever I married wouldn't take my parting so well. He knows us, our plans, our weaknesses, what we can handle. I'd like to think He was protecting me.

But if I survive this neighborhood, motorcycles, cars, texts, drunk drivers, etc. by age 30, get married and have children, then I say bring on the pain! And the joy.