Regrets Love me if you dare. I'm a baaadd girl. I walked over to Dereks house. But of course, he had already been over to mine and went back to his to find me. Silly me. I really shouldn't ever walk over to his house b/c he shows up at mine like 5 minutes later. He took me into town and I found out my schedule and we went and looked for hub cap thingys b/c we lost his Mutti's on her car on the way home from the Reunion. After that we went shopping at the mall. He almost hit a green car flying in to the same driveway on the way out of Zions Bank. I juss yelled "Wait!" and he looked over and saw the car and slammed on the breaks. haha...good thing he listens to me ..sometimes...Ha ha..I made a funny. I convinced him to get a black button up shirt with like permanent wrinkles (weird) ..haha...I like button up shirts over...tshirts it's hot and it was only 8 bucks okay. Then we went to 1318 and he got another one but it was like like blue and white. *shrugs* Another type of wrinkled and frayed fabric. I can't believe he actually likes some of the things I pick out. *rolls her eyes* Still can't believe he likes the hair do I introduced him to. After that I convinced him to buy me my Nightmare Before Christmas backpack thingy!! Eee! I took Emi and Resas suggestion of 'milking the boyfriend' or taking advantage of the boys money. Go for the four C's when getting a guy: Cash, Car, Clothes, and Castle. It wasn't hard. But I still feel bad so I think I'll pay him back when I get money. But I got the backpack and I'm so happy now!! Caution: Do not do this at home unless you have adult supervision. As soon as I found out that the parental units were leaving for the whole week I make Derek get off work at the last minute and stay home with me. I got a wee bit stressed trying to figger out the whole car situation between Dustin and I when I had an odd work schedule. And for some weird reason, deep down inside of me I didn't want me Mutti to leave me, I was almost sad. So I was juss flippin' out everywhere....which made Derek wanna get work off. teehee... I was okay with that. I had a can of spaghettios and he had a chicken patty. Then I made him watch Karate Kid and then...we got...bored... To put it bluntly, he was over at my house from 2pm until 6am. Yes, 2 in the afternoon when the parentals left until 6 the next morning. Yes, he was supposed to go home at midnight for his curfew and no, he didn't go home. Baad baaddd Never do that. We were gonna go over to his house at like 8 for dinner...but he decided to give me a massage...like total massage...mmm mmm hot. He did that for like 4 hours. haha then we juss talked. And when a boy and girl are sitting down in a dim lighted room late at night, you can prolly guess what they're talking about. It was hiliarious really. "Daddy? What are you doing to mommy?" "Shut up! She's happy!!" (inside joke I guess) While we were talking tho I found some pens and markers and I drew all over his stomach. It honestly was like the funnest thing I've ever done. Lame, but it was fun! I feel like doing that to myself now...hmmm haha. My brother ish the only one home besides me so he prolly saw his car there at like 6 in the morning haha, wonder what he's thinkin'. But yeah....he gets a lil loopy when talking until 6 in the morning. I thought it was funny and took pictures. He looks drunk. I recall him like curling up in a ball and whining "Why do you do this to me!" I can't remember what I did......(dot dot dot) All I hafta say ish after being with him that long and talking to him about weird things (oh the conversations we have) it totally made him look/seem soo soo much more hotter. Like...hot, like I want your body kinda hot. Like, bite my lip I want you I need you kind of hot. I don't really know what made me think like that...but I'm much more attracted to him than before. I don't want that spark in the relationship to go away. teehee...Can you say 'raging hormones'. So my Auti Flow came to visit me okay?! I can't help it! Well, to sum it all up we juss sat there and made up inside jokes, well I did juss so I could see him laugh b/c he's so cute when he laughs. I love his smile juss before he laughs. So I made him laugh a lot and we have lots of inside jokes. He's finally realized how corrupted I am and what I'm doing to him. Poor kid. I actually feel bad. I told myself I wouldn't do that. sheesh. Well he went home and to bed....and I went to bed....I got up like 4 hours later and he got up 6 hours later. I woke up because Resa called me. I went out to water the lawn an' stuff...when Ryker pulled up in his Muttis car (nice car) I could tell something wasn't exactly right with how he walked up to me, but also b/c he was visiting me period. He told me that on the way back from Montana, Natalie, Mariah and Nathan had slipped off the rainy slick road through a couple of lanes of traffic (can't count that many) and into a ditch in Nathans car. They were all...okay and breathing, but Natalie is in St. Patricks hospital in like Moszilla or something. Mariah had some chest pains from the air bag and her ankle hurt b/c that's what she braced herself with...I suppose.. and had a couple of x-rays juss to make shure everything was okay. I didn't really hear much about Nathan. Natalie from what I gather in my short words is that she seemed to be pritti ripped up b/c of the seat belt. But she's staying up at the hospital for like 7 to 10 days when they release her she might stay up there to recover before coming back down here. And by then Ryker'll be on his way to BYU for EFY. So they'll miss each other by another two weeks....that's juss torture. My stomach went into knots and stuff when he was telling me this but I kept my cool until he left. Derek showed up in the middle of this lil' chat. I thought about the Piglet I took from Natalie b/c she threatened to leave me and go to Idaho awhile ago. I was sad and wanted a 'piece of her' I suppose. I was going to give it back when she didn't leave me, but I kept it... I was looking at it last night (Monday night when she crashed) and I thought of her. I thought it was really weird that I was thinkin about her at an odd hour in the morning while sitting with Derek. I thought about how Kirri said her Mutti didn't feel it was right fer her to go, so she refused. It juss didn't feel right. I had simply juss said no. They tried to convince/brib passive lil Kirri into going but she kept strong and said no. I thought about what would've happened if Kirri did go. I thought about my first thought when I heard that Mariah was going with them. It was juss a lil' unconcious "I dont think she should go" and then it was pushed aside. Then I had a glimse thought that I would do anything to take her place at that moment, if I was the one to go thru that. I went in on my Muttis bed and cried my lil' eyes out for like 15 minutes exactly. I got mascara all over the sheets. Dangit. Bummer. After all the stress that I've been thru the past two days that was like my breaking point. That was when...I juss didn't care anymore I can't feel anymore...I don't want to feel anymore. It was my first day of work and I was kinda scared, but then I heard that and I absent mindedly cooked muffins and didn't eat them. I was so lost in my mind. I juss...lost it. Ryker says you can email her at the hospital but he doesn't know if she actually gets 'em. But I'll try anyway... I went to my first day of work. I screwed it up from the beginning. They didn't have an Aggie shirt for me. They didn't have my time card number thingy programmed into the compy yet. Then I dropped stuff so Tom had to go get more stuff.... I couldn't pick things up...I couldn't 'peel' things off fast enuff... I simply wasn't fast enuff...I was messy and not coordinated... I jusss...basically...sucked to put it bluntly. But ya know what....I kinda lost all feelings of stress and anxiety and I juss...didn't care. I'm new, they'll get over it. I hate being new. I hate following ppl around. I hate not being told the 'rules' and so I screw up alot. *shrugs* I'm shure it'll get betta. I got to eat there too and Resa was kind enuff to take me home also...weee it was a fun trip. We kissed the ceiling at the same time b/c of a yellow light, it was great! She's so funny...I can't believe I hang out with Derek more than her now a days....I should change that...mwhaha When I got home I ran out into the rain (it was dumping, not juss raining and hailing) and I ran to the church for the activity and even running as fast as I could I got drenched...it was like I juss took a shower. I walked into mutual soaking wet. Everyone laughed. I was in a good mood. We played churchy games. Then we went to dance practice. That was boring but I had fun being stupid. Now I'm here. And so far everyone that isn't at home has called home, "Are you okay?". I'm a lil' ornery so I kinda bit Muttis head off and I feel bad, but I think I have a toothache/headache and I can't go to the dentist until next month b/c we're poor. haha I'm tired, ornery and possibly hungry with a lil' laziness on the side. I soo need to clean up this house, it's bugging me. I don't have time tho. Hafta wake up early morrow, but not as early as I do on Thursday. Where to sleep tonight... When will I get to see the hot boy again... Will I have an easier/better time going/coming and during work? Will I get everything done I want to at home...cleaning it? Thank you cards? Watering the lawn? Mowing the lawn? Plans for Friday night? Will I be stressed some more? Will Auti Flow leave me alone? Can someone make it all go away? Will I be lonely or scared? Will everyone be okay where ever they are? God give us all strength to go on. "It's not enough being a beauty... You have to learn to appreciate beauty too." And by the end of the night... I can say... Half dressed virgin safely in bed...