Joyious The joy of Runts I need to write in my journal more often Even tho I seem to have bad luck when I do. *shrugs* It's my journal I can write what I want, when I want right? Okies. It was weird and awkward.... Before I went to Lagoon I was saying goodbye to my Vatti. I juss hugged him at first, but then I decided not juss to hug him and so when he stood up I hugged him again and kissed him on the cheek and said I love you when going out the door. It was so AWKWARD for both of us! I don't think that'll ever happen again. Weird. *cringes* He said he loved me too tho...so the awkard silence wouldn't overcome the whole house. *shrugs* Kinda felt good...I guess... stupid affection! This week ish gonna be great! ...I think... I don't have anymore early mornings this week! Weeee! I think this made the whole cast a lil' more energtic at practice this morning. But Cauldwell (loser John face) was being a piss ant anyway. Every time we exceed he only wants more and better. We get no praise from him, juss yelling. Makes us ornery too. He tells us to get on stage and walks away, we don't know what scene, so we don't know what props. We decide we'll get yelled at for not being prepared anyways so we show up on stage with nothing. Then he gets mad when we don't know parts of the song...b/c we haven't been over it....and he is the song director...he should know what we've been thru and what we haven't and we prolly shouldn't be yelled at when we don't know our different parts (alto,bass,soprano etc). But because we don't have any early morning that means we have all night after school on Tuesday and thas okay with me. I'd rather be there at night than early in the morning. It's funner. We can do homework, read or chat when we're not doing anything. So now I only have after school on Tues and then I'm done with drama for the rest of the week! weeee! And in any classes we don't do much b/c you can't start a 'unit' or 'project' b/c you only have 3 days so we juss mess around ish! Fun fun...its actually fun not knowing what yer doing in class! Then afterschool today I babysit Scott...but we're supposed to go and dust Fred Abels house today with the YW....I don't know if I'm going or if I'm taking Scott...or what..but I'll decide that later. *shrugs* Then after that...nothing! I can do whatever... But Tuesday is gonna be a busy day! I have school....the boy can pick me up....have a test 2nd hour....then afterschool I go to the doctor, old guy/girl ? that is supposedly one of the few that can listen to someone and make them feel understood w/o lecturing them. Only for an hour thank goodness. Paying for those guys are expensive. Then I come back and do drama for the rest of the night. Weee... Then Wednesday the boy can pick me up again....then drop me off...and I can go like...shopping or whadeva....and sleep in Thurs morning! weeee! Halleujah! Life is goooooddd.... Everytime I think an assigment is due in this class I hurry and rush my assignment in and then the next she says to finish up the assignment and hand it in. Grrr...another day. *shrugs* I juss getta sit around now. We did the timed Essays in Perkes class. I was doing mine on the Perfect Kiss. Yeah, I was so lost, scared, confused and anxious! eeep. I didn't know how to write it in the 'correct' way b/c appparently every paper we write is supposed to be done in an exact way/order. Thas why I get bad scores on them. grr.. Anyways...I didn't know how I was going to write this story w/o personalizing with this story. So I put my feelings about the boy and some of the boy in the story to make it come alive for me. I must say I wrote a story that seems from a girl that has read too many romantical books. I was still describing the scene when he said we only had 8 minutes left! Yikes! I said this was gonna be a quick kiss! And it was.... I suck at writing those things. I was so nervous. I had to re read it and fix some things even after the bell rang. I wouldn't let the boy read it. Kinda of embarrassing b/c he was the one that made it come alive for me. But the point of the story, the kiss, was like in the second to last paragraph and wasn't all that spectular anyway. I think I screwed that one up. Only 60 points right? I'm already at a B-. *sighs* I will pass English 1010! I think yesterday was the only day that someone had said that I don't listen to them. K, does this make sense? People come to me when they need a listener....some constantly, some rarely, some only when desparate. Yeah I get it. Now I know, if there's ever a time when I juss don't feel like listening I -know- someone will point it out and make me feel guilty. Ever thought for one moment I juss don't care! That once, I want to be like everyone else and juss NOT listen?! *shrugs* It was strange. I did want to listen to that person. I juss know the next time I make the mistake of not listening again. I'll get beat down or something. Grr.... But I didn't know how to help this person. I wondered if I should help them the way they help me. They use affection and words. I can't do that. It's...uncomfortable. But..I tried. I didn't have anything profound to say, so I was silent. *shrugs* I have a hard time with it okay?! Gimme a break. I was trying to be sympathetic. It was weird, understanding exactly how they felt but not knowing what to do from there. Stupid Golden Rule. Why can't anyone follow it?! I have feelings and needs to! I'm so selfish aren't I?