I have to be honest here.

I think if I wasn't 'doing what I'm supposed to be doing' and 'doing something right in life' that I wouldn't be having these issues that I have experienced in just the last week.

I know, from past experience, that once I start doing the right things and getting involved in the church I have WAY more problems in life than when I didn't get involved in church stuff as much.

I see the difference between the adversary messing around with me and God testing me and I'm thinking, I'm sure not I know which one I want to live with more....

But the difference is God tests me and then shows me miracles (that I have no idea how to react to cept to take it with a feeble attempt at a thank you) and then the adversary just doesn't put any bumps in my road and I continue down the same mundane path everyday, which for a mostly introvert quiet person that could very nice at times.

I also have to admit tho, having different trials/problems/anything different in my life is somewhat more exciting. At least its something to talk about. But the 'no bumps in the road' approach by not exactly doing what I was supposed to be doing was okay for me too.

But either way you can get tired of it. You can get tired of the mundane path the adversary wants to keep you in, but you can also get a bit tired of God testing you and then throwing miracles and blessings at you for remaining faithful.

I've noticed everytime, in the beginning when I first committed to church activities, that I would have pain somewhere on my body, usually headaches, and everytime I went to an activity that pain would disappear while there and return when I got home on occassion. Little tests like that God gives with blessings to follow. Sometimes it feels frustrating, like someone is messing with me, someone pushing buttons.

Its just frustrating going into something, like reading the Book of Mormon, knowing something is going to break in the next 24 hours cuz you cracked open a book. But you do it anyway.

I've learned a lot from my mom and her "I dont care about anything" aka lack of emotion/feelings approach in life. I find myself simply saying "I dont care", well more particularly I perfer to say "It doesn't matter." Cuz in the long run, all these things I fret about really don't matter.

Sometimes I say I can't go to church or give someone a ride cuz I'm running out of gas in the car. But then I realize it really doesn't matter whether or not someone else is in the car, you should still go. I lost my phone down a river and I concluded it really doesn't matter. No one calls me anyway. I think I should stay home wiht my dog on Weds instead of a pointless missionary night of knocking on doors where no one answers, but then I think it doesn't matter, either way the dog will do the same thing whether I'm there or not, just laid down and sleep and/or bug me for food. I make simple stupid excuses like I can't go now cuz I'm late already, but no one cares when you show up. In fact, they don't care when you leave either, but yeah... I attempt to freak out if I'm cutting myself short on dinner, but it doesn't matter, its just dinner, a cheesestick will tide me over til I get home, no biggy.