I have this weird feeling that no matter what I decide to do ...it will all turn out... Its weird to feel that way cuz...well money doesn't just grow on trees, how would it work out if i made a mistake?

But I feel whatever I choose it will be the right decision, like it's not possible to make the wrong decision....

I feel like there is a whole bunch of hidden fees and things I am not planning/ready for. Like buying something at the store, sure its only $300 for that, but you add on the tax and maybe the insurance of the production and monthly maintenance or acessories and you are well above $300. I feel only prepared for that $300. Not everything else that goes with it.

I think 'Right now is just not the right time' but then the blaring question of "WHEN is a good time for you Wednesday?! You have the best opportunity just sitting there in front of you!" It's like a baby. You could spend your whole life preparing to have a baby and never have one. It's never convenient. You're never ready. You just have to run and jump sometimes, ya know? Doing things without a concrete logical plan is the only shocking thing we can do in this life, like love.

I feel a lack of preparation with the financial part, and I haven't really had time to think about the emotional/physical part of it. I feel like once I move out on my own and create this pattern of going to work, coming home and sitting for the like...5 hours I have and then go to bed and do it again the next day... I feel once that's started it won't stop... and then one day I'll wake up and realize I'm old! Sometimes I wish no one would've made me believe I could do this!

There are so many pro's and con's and I don't even know if I can get my foot through the door yet. I don't know if I pass the whole income to debt ratio. But then the question of, do I want to? I should stop talking/asking others when I should just sit down and ask my real estate agent/boss. I'm just so afraid of the answer. I want it but I don't. Ya know? Pro' and con's.

I fear if I don't at least try I'll be super mad later down the road when I could've gotten this incentive and didn't use it. Or I'll be super mad that I tried and missed the incentive by a day, a week, even a month! I either do it or I don't. GAh!

In all this really weird feelings, I might as well add, I was laying in bed this morning and I thought about waiting and just moving into an apartment first with roommates. Instantly a ....good feeling engulfed me. I blamed it on me not being awake. I blamed on my laziness and not wanting stress in my life. But maybe that's what I want. It's just so hard to pass up this opportunity that doesn't...come around but once in a lifetime.

If I'm leaning toward not going through with this, then I shouldn't talk to my agent, cuz I don't wanna know if I qualify for loan and how much, etc. Gah! I just want to scream. So much responsibility!

A degree, a career and possible a condo all by age 22?

I feel like I missed something.. Is this normal?

You know what this is called?

This is called growing up way to fast;

thas what it is.

_______________________________________

1 hour later. WAIT! Scratch all that.

I've made a final decision. After talking with a Lender for like 5 minutes I've decided there are way to many hidden/other fees that I am not prepared for and therefore I'm making an executive decision and not going to buy a condo. Yup. That's my decision.

But I am still going to talk like I want to buy. That's okay...right? She said with my good credit and working as a paralegal (the boss calls me a paralegal! teehee) for 2+ years, no debt and my income that I qualify for a $700/month mortgage payment which is like $100,000 loan. But then she suggested that the commission goes toward closing costs, and I need that for a down payment. The object of this great deal is to get the downpayment AND the tax credit at the same time. Not tax credit in place of the downpayment. I can do the downpayment on my own with time. The extra $8,000 was the 'great deal' part of all this. I dunno what to believe. I don't really think either one of these grownups have any straight forward answers for me. All I need is lots of guidance, my options listed, pro's and con's thru their prespective of many years doing this, not opinions, not 'yes, do it' or 'no, don't do it'. Man oh man.

If anything tho I think I blew my boss out of the water of my capabilities and/or past. He's surprised to find I qualify for a loan in the first place, let alone seriously contemplating buying a piece of property. That makes me feel good, to show him what's what. But nonetheless, I do not believe I'm going to go through with it. I'm just going to learn all I can right now for future use when I come back and try this again. It's okay to see what I am qualified for now.....right? and just ask questions and go through the process as if I were purchasing.....right? and then refuse the pre-qualification for lack of preparedness or something.....right?

Goodness. And thats not the only things on my mind by the way. I'm still trying to get a reasonable health insurance policy and go through all their paperwork and choosing and crap. And my Netbook is telling me that I don't have Mircosoft Office. Grrr. How do they hand out compys without the main software? Yer supposed to put the product key in to prove you have Microsoft Office. But it says my product key is wrong. Grr. I guess I have to buy it seperately. So I have a 25 day trial or something and then I have to buy Office. Ugh. So much to do, so little time to do it all. Way too much stress accruing since I got this job if you ask me.

Hey, my birthday is coming up this next month too.