So yesterday was slightly.... depressing.

It wasn't a bad day. Just... a lil' less than par.

It was another long, boring day at work. Even those the past two weeks have gone by really quickly, the boredom at work just never seems to cease. I need to find more entertainment. I'm so tired of Tetris, I'm seeing colored blocks whenever I close my eyes. Usually I leave work and not think about the office again til I'm sitting back in this chair. But now I wake up and envision the boredom I'll have that day and what I'll try and do to entertain myself. I haven't felt that sinking feeling about my day when I wake up since high school, but it's not that bad to add the depression with it tho.

Then I went to Barnes and Noble. I immediately felt sick to my stomach when I bought that book.

In ASL class I realized how good my teacher makes me feel. He's so funny and animated. You can tell he has a social life. I'm not so excited about the language cuz I just can't manipulate the English language even to have it make sense to someone else. But I still go to class cuz of how he makes me feel there. Maybe I can do anything. He's such an amazing person. He's so mormon and I love it.

Then I realized nobody has been able to make me feel that way since like October when Cris gave me a giant bear hug. And that maybe there would be no one to make me feel that way the rest of my life. That maybe I'll always be searching and finding random people/feelings for fleeting moments like this class. Nothing solid, nothing long term.

Then I hopped, skipped, and jumped over to the movie theater. I was soo looking forward just sitting and watching a movie. Usually when I look forward to something like that, it ends up flipping on me some how. I picked the wrong movie. I chose "My Lovely Bones". I read the book and wanted to see how the movie was. Bad idea. Books are always better than the movie, but they like...massacred it with animation stuff, sci-fi crap. I'm not so much a sci-fi person unless it's a lot of action. But this was like fairy tale soothing animation of the afterlife. Ugh. Some made up verison of heaven or the "inbetween".

They spent the whole movie trying to find out who killed her, so determined, and then they get the proof they've been looking for and then... thas it. I don't see the results of them finally catching the serial killer. I'm not sure they even did! They just got proof and everyone moved on with life after that. "Oh yeah, the neighbor down the street killed my daughter a few years ago, no biggie" Really?! He got away with that! When you had proof? How could you know that yer neighbor was a murderer of children with proof and NOT do something about it?! Maybe I missed something. Maybe he escaped or something. Ugh. Annoying.

It didn't even make sense! Between movie sci-fi confusion, lack of food, and a giant headache, I just wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep.

As I was leaving the theatre I saw someone that looked like the brown boy. We always went to this theatre together. I had to look a couple times to make sure it wasn't him. And yesterday I was at Firehouse starin at the Applebeer thinking of the brown boy. I can't believe its over between us. I had so much fun. I can't believe I have to sever these relationships to move on with life. They will always be in the back of my mind.

All this resulted in the crying I suppose. Crying helps release some of the tension headache or at least is distracting from the pain, but it swells up everything else on my face. I'd rather have swollen eyes then this headache. I can handle almost any other pain cept nausea and headaches, like sinuses. I don't like my head/thinking being impaired, it ruins a lot of things.

But I felt much better after burying myself under my covers and closing my eyes and letting myself drift away.